tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post1578156061157112946..comments2024-03-14T03:16:23.482-05:00Comments on Everyone Needs Therapy: Rubberbandtherapydochttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-42155651604277636692014-12-13T15:48:53.311-06:002014-12-13T15:48:53.311-06:00Just scrolling back through your archives. This o...Just scrolling back through your archives. This one really speaks to me this afternoon. I was starting to feel slightly guilty for the way we have been spending today. ;-) We've been married 35 year... Wife and I have been enjoying a leisurely Saturday, in and out of each others space today, doing simple things like drinking coffee together multiple times, talking some deeper things I have been thinking about our relationship this week, ran to a new local farmer's market stand, took a long nap together after lunch, etc. Anyway, I was again struck by how much I appreciate your taking the time to post these kind of insightful posts on line for the rest of us to enjoy. Wanted you to know! DMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-24400460117027009752011-06-13T18:36:11.165-05:002011-06-13T18:36:11.165-05:00Dear, TD.
I love it when your readers are bored...Dear, TD. <br /><br />I love it when your readers are bored. The traffic is so flattering.<br /><br />Please go on vacation more often, no wait, don't. <br /><br />But I AM making kugel. Send reinforcements, won't you?<br /><br />You are always welcome.<br /><br />Miss you! Mwah.Sidneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03927726425934945206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-33417525709877590732010-10-02T10:17:51.262-05:002010-10-02T10:17:51.262-05:00Excellent post. I've been with a man for almos...Excellent post. I've been with a man for almost a year now, a mature male in his years, who pulls the disappearing act whenever I ask a question that is difficult or challenging for him. Of course, I never know ahead of time what subjects will trigger the disappearance, or shall we say my expulsion from the garden, as if I've been sent to the naughty chair indefinitely. Several times it's happened when he has posed a question to me that elicited, I guess, the wrong answer. When he retreats in response to what in most relationships are very benign topics of conversation, the message I infer is: "I want all the benefits of a committed relationship, so long as we keep it light and superficial; you may never have a response to me that runs counter to my own needs; nor may may you ever have a need that requires me to make adjustments or accommodations, because that's too much work, and if I have to work that means it's you making me work, in which case I'll teach you a lesson by disappearing."<br /><br />It always happens, too, after we've had a really great time together, have become closer and started to share/occupy a more intimate space. I think it's partly some sort insecurity motivating him to push me away. I realize from your post that he's indeed uncomfortable with that smaller rubberband. Any suggestions other than leave the relationship?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-19496194633186462572009-05-07T05:59:00.000-05:002009-05-07T05:59:00.000-05:00Thanks for a great post. I've struggled with the s...Thanks for a great post. I've struggled with the space issue for some time. I like intimacy and to be with the person I love. And have always thought that it was just my codie behavior and insecurities that made me want to narrow the rubber band. I've had to work at being away from my partner and becoming comfortable with just myself. Sometimes I'm happy with that, while other times I want to be closer. It has always been a perplexing thing for me in relationships. I will ponder what you wrote here more. Thanks again.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-71381974544306956422009-05-04T07:22:00.000-05:002009-05-04T07:22:00.000-05:00With you 100%, Abbi.With you 100%, Abbi.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-46429301060295805672009-05-04T06:18:00.000-05:002009-05-04T06:18:00.000-05:00I liked this post, especially because i thought it...I liked this post, especially because i thought it was going one way, (that you were going to talk about how important space is) when it actually went another. Don't know if it was the post or how i read the post.<br /><br />Anyway, after a few very kooky and painful relationships, I finally decided that the whole "space" thing is a crock. It's just code for "I don't know how to be intimate". Which is fine, but then don't enter into a relationship if you don't know how to behave. Or, alternatively, be open to learning how to be in a relationship if you don't know how when you start.<br /><br />Anyway, I knew my husband was the one when he had no need for "space" and we could sit together and read for hours.Commenter Abbihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07753256568022159103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-29782772143919224852009-05-02T20:33:00.000-05:002009-05-02T20:33:00.000-05:00Esther, thanks. That word, "work", makes sense, b...Esther, thanks. That word, "work", makes sense, but I'm starting to look at it differently, (read Rav Dessler, Strive for Truth), am thinking of relationship "work" as stressful, sure, but an investment. Less investment, less the pay off. And that's for sure. Although sometimes people invest and get nothing back. But this is worth an entire post, for sure.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-31044446873786335962009-05-02T15:33:00.000-05:002009-05-02T15:33:00.000-05:00Insightful post. I have never been a romantic, so...Insightful post. I have never been a romantic, so to speak, so the notion of a happily ever after is not my weakness. I kind of feel like I have learned backwards, because I figured out the whole fitting into a smaller rubber band thing without any explanation. I was never a very open person and learned to hide many of my thoughts from those closest to me. While I knew that was probably going to be a problem someday I still did not change it until the last year or so (been married almost 4 years). Anyway, I am now starting to believe some of the warm fuzzy stuff about relationships can happen. It just doesn't happen without work.Estherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04892778181543416624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-84249851949015149662009-05-01T09:43:00.000-05:002009-05-01T09:43:00.000-05:00TSIPPORAH, unfortunately, when you have children, ...TSIPPORAH, unfortunately, when you have children, this is what you sign up for. Or perhaps we should say, fortunately.<br /><br />SCRAPS, they don't break. They're in your head. Takes years to even forget about them, depending upon how long they take primary residencetherapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-4696418122852467012009-05-01T09:28:00.000-05:002009-05-01T09:28:00.000-05:00Interesting. I watched the video. What do you do...Interesting. I watched the video. What do you do when it happens that you don't chase and don't chase and don't chase...and the rubberband breaks, because you're feeling the tension but the other person isn't?Scrapshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15911315552965685448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-53758466880170534942009-04-30T20:59:00.000-05:002009-04-30T20:59:00.000-05:00Take your time.Take your time.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-1122305795129462152009-04-30T19:31:00.000-05:002009-04-30T19:31:00.000-05:00Can I take a minute to process?
Not something to ...Can I take a minute to process?<br /><br />Not something to be politely endured. I need to think this through.....~MaryAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-48355697663478588602009-04-29T15:25:00.000-05:002009-04-29T15:25:00.000-05:00Hi - sorry to leave this in the comments, but I wa...Hi - sorry to leave this in the comments, but I was wondering if I could interview you very briefly for an upcoming post on my blog on societal anxiety (re: swine flu hysteria). If you'd like to do it, could you email me? Thanks - BethBethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15829062955658284450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-40311566007962303232009-04-29T15:22:00.000-05:002009-04-29T15:22:00.000-05:00Interesting. What do we do when we are *forced* to...Interesting. What do we do when we are *forced* to give up space unwillingly (as when we have a newborn)?Tzipporahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08807511259582331073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-55649696254177264062009-04-29T05:37:00.000-05:002009-04-29T05:37:00.000-05:00Oh, loved this one.
TherapyDoc on YouTube? Yay.
...Oh, loved this one.<br /><br />TherapyDoc on YouTube? Yay.<br /><br />"Humans are a lot like ducks." Double yay.<br /><br />Tying the knot as a knot in a rubber band? Triple yay.Cate Subrosahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11371172824707301749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-42619925026961824352009-04-28T19:39:00.000-05:002009-04-28T19:39:00.000-05:00I'm pretty sure you'll weather it, or should I say...I'm pretty sure you'll weather it, or should I say, retrieve it, retriever.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-91991798359456360872009-04-28T19:06:00.000-05:002009-04-28T19:06:00.000-05:00Good post. Cute tho simplistic video. COmplicatin...Good post. Cute tho simplistic video. COmplicating things I thought of were: folie a deux, or people alternating the chaser/chasee role. Or people having different roles depending on the issue. <br /><br />But I have to admit that, tho married 21.5 years, I just don't have any warm fuzzy feelings about relationships right now. I did in youth, when single. But these days I am sick with anxiety about all my kids, and spouse is at best a companion in misery. We feel like beleaguered medieval peasants, having to endure one disaster after another. We are loyal to each other in the sense that two oxen yoked to the plow are loyal (a medieval image of marriage). Plod, plod, plod, and the crack of the whip keeping us going. <br /><br />Off to cheer myself up playing with the dog...Retrieverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09036341287285545932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-9882483545757896932009-04-28T11:36:00.000-05:002009-04-28T11:36:00.000-05:00What a great and informative post.What a great and informative post.Dr. Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06340730498047128203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-32547902694530615132009-04-28T11:01:00.000-05:002009-04-28T11:01:00.000-05:00Thanks all.
ANNA, believe me, I understand about ...Thanks all.<br /><br />ANNA, believe me, I understand about the time thing. Will get to it.<br /><br />The honest truth is I haven't read Dr. Gray's book, but the idea is good to thrash around, the differences idea. <br /><br />There's research about how our (female) brain uses oxytocin differently than the male brain, and this affects our behavior, needing friends, in particular. Friendship gets us high, basically, whereas guys have yet to discover this, don't automatically run to their friends and don't need to under stress.<br /><br />MARK has a nice post on something kind of similar, how we change and don't necessarily announce it at <br />http://tobeme.wordpress.com/2009/04/27/changes-in-a-relationship/therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-20418567987954693592009-04-28T10:35:00.000-05:002009-04-28T10:35:00.000-05:00John Gray! What a pet peeve of mine. While I thi...John Gray! What a pet peeve of mine. While I think it made some progress in the public's needs, there was a substantial hole in his book. The examples were always in the negative- don't do X, Y, Z. Rarely, if ever, were there positive examples- do this instead. These things are good.<br />But this rubberband- the smaller one! Very interesting. How do you avoid compromising too much, as the bigger rubberband? Also, how do you handle it when the smaller rubberband really is constricting the life out of both of them? (As in, addiciton, abuse, mental illness?)<br />And a request for pardon if the videos addressed this. I can't watch it now.Annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381554731510359760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-20244307564049870752009-04-28T10:09:00.000-05:002009-04-28T10:09:00.000-05:00Aha insightful and very helpful for me- thank you!...Aha insightful and very helpful for me- thank you!Wait. What?https://www.blogger.com/profile/16914656489970904052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-37942011289096603752009-04-28T09:51:00.000-05:002009-04-28T09:51:00.000-05:00Excellent, amazing, wonderful, inspiring post! I s...Excellent, amazing, wonderful, inspiring post! I so enjoyed reading it and I related to it on so many levels. I also learned a lot about relationships from it and that's definitely something I could use help with. Thanks! :) <br /><br />http://positivelypresent.typepad.compositively presenthttp://positivelypresent.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.com