tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post15887968394933562..comments2024-03-14T03:16:23.482-05:00Comments on Everyone Needs Therapy: Conflict in relationships: Timing is Everythingtherapydochttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-62464735149459306192009-01-08T00:28:00.000-06:002009-01-08T00:28:00.000-06:00I have to keep you on my blogroll. Everybody I kno...I have to keep you on my blogroll. Everybody I know needs you, including me. Thanks for all the insight. ~ xolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-79190833182661664462008-11-12T19:18:00.000-06:002008-11-12T19:18:00.000-06:00Well this is just wonderful...and totally dead on....Well this is just wonderful...and totally dead on. I think I'll just cut and paste a few tasty morsels for my own blog use in the future. (Linking to you, natch.)<BR/><BR/>Validating to read another pro's experience. There's precious little of that in my Tao. Thanks.<BR/>______Leon's current assignmenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10241933206820579199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-82472504021031282292008-11-11T06:12:00.000-06:002008-11-11T06:12:00.000-06:00And one thing we know, it's even more of a challen...<I>And one thing we know, it's even more of a challenge to problem solve at the end of a long day, when your emotions are virtually indistinguishable from your appetites.</I><BR/><BR/>Something so true, I've known so long, now understood better, thanks to you.Cate Subrosahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11371172824707301749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-87585248068699639032008-11-10T18:47:00.000-06:002008-11-10T18:47:00.000-06:00"all of my lamps are nailed down now".ROTFL!"all of my lamps are nailed down now".<BR/>ROTFL!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-13115664405440720632008-11-10T15:11:00.000-06:002008-11-10T15:11:00.000-06:00Grrreat stuff there. Thanks.Grrreat stuff there. Thanks.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-24769282765965704662008-11-10T14:37:00.000-06:002008-11-10T14:37:00.000-06:00It's hard to make decisions when you're hungry. Fo...It's hard to make decisions when you're hungry. For some reason, the hardest decision to make is where to eat. It doesn't make sense, but I've noticed (and my husband agrees) that we are both most fussy about food when we are <I>just starvering!</I>. So we would get in arguments sometimes trying to decide on a restaurant to go to when we were both very hungry. (And too tired to cook.) Now we know that we both get very over-fussy when we're hungry and we go along with it in each other.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-11239966836286021652008-11-09T12:01:00.000-06:002008-11-09T12:01:00.000-06:00I'll have to post on this one, I can see that. It...I'll have to post on this one, I can see that. It's complicated. No right answers, each case depends on too many things to say one way or another. <BR/><BR/>Some people need their own therapist,and sometimes that works out just great. It's when therapists are working at cross-purposes that there are problems. With a release of information, that can be solved.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-54448605907811401122008-11-09T11:32:00.000-06:002008-11-09T11:32:00.000-06:00What if you're seeing only one member of the coupl...What if you're seeing only one member of the couple individually, in addition to doing couples therapy with both of them? Does the other person feel alienated, or believe that you are biased toward the person you see individually? <BR/><BR/>DH and I never had couples therapy, but we were both in individual therapy after I was dx'd with bipolar disorder and PTSD. Funny thing was, <I>his</I> therapist advocated for <I>me,</I> and <I>my</I> therapist advocated for <I>him.</I> It actually worked out pretty well in the end, although there were times I wished we could have just switched therapists.<BR/><BR/>I suppose each therapist was trying to get us to increase our empathy for each other?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-58940789542050835942008-11-09T08:20:00.000-06:002008-11-09T08:20:00.000-06:00Thanks for your answers! I'm interested in how yo...Thanks for your answers! I'm interested in how you as a therapydoc know which issues are couples issues and which ones are individual? Maybe just something you as a therapydoc learn over time? B/c presumably individual issues become couples issues... I guess the distinction is in what setting the issues are best addressed. <BR/><BR/>If someone comes in for individual therapy, say for depression or alcohol or anxiety, how common is it for you to end up telling them to bring their second half in too sometime?Jackiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17472517428832152273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-23596028580989533792008-11-08T18:59:00.000-06:002008-11-08T18:59:00.000-06:00GREAT question. Always depends on the person, the...GREAT question. Always depends on the person, the time, the day, the mood. You can't bubble burst, of course, meaning can't bring up something difficult that will bring a person down when he's feeling good, and on the other hand, can't bring up something that will bring him down if he feels bad.<BR/><BR/>It is a gamble and you need to know your guy. Some people say the best time is when a partner is feeling grateful, positive towards you, as in, after a good meal, or when you're communicating well.<BR/><BR/>One thing for sure, holding it in forever isn't worth the personal pain. Share it if you're in a relationship. Why not. It's the price a person pays for dinner.<BR/><BR/>In answer to the other question, I almost always see each person of a couple individually before I see them as a couple, and reserve the right to say, <EM>YOU are coming in to see me alone,</EM> okay, at any time, and I do. And both partners can do the same, request an individual visit or 10.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-81675419111171632282008-11-08T18:27:00.000-06:002008-11-08T18:27:00.000-06:00So, timing is everything and dinner isn't a good t...So, timing is everything and dinner isn't a good time. But when is a good time to bring up something? Say you're someone who can rationalize NEVER bringing anything up.....<BR/><BR/>Also, how do you decide when to do talk to both members of a couple and when do you decide individual therapy instead? You said with couples you do both sometimes....Jackiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17472517428832152273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-87122542633676221892008-11-08T17:35:00.000-06:002008-11-08T17:35:00.000-06:00Nut, I never said it was easy.Nut, I never said it was easy.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-49054313344729744772008-11-07T22:13:00.000-06:002008-11-07T22:13:00.000-06:00So most of this applies even if the person you hav...So most of this applies even if the person you have the conflict with is a parent and not a spouse or significant other? And, I suppose I would have to want to stop hurting that person in order to make it work? For sure it would be cheaper and quicker if you have a magic wand.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-28662020913857162592008-11-07T14:33:00.000-06:002008-11-07T14:33:00.000-06:00You just made me feel very, very grateful for the ...You just made me feel very, very grateful for the man I married. He's extremely easy to get along with.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-44158303073088420672008-11-07T13:25:00.000-06:002008-11-07T13:25:00.000-06:00You are so very, very right.I guess we can't expec...You are so very, very right.<BR/><BR/>I guess we can't expect to be perfect at this, under the worst of circumstances, but it sure is good exercise to at least always try.Isle Dancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04755103029114698264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-68588607836700258732008-11-07T12:26:00.000-06:002008-11-07T12:26:00.000-06:00Timing is everything. Truer words have never been ...Timing is everything. Truer words have never been said.Jack Steinerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16625864271071630940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-69926543016552282282008-11-07T12:09:00.000-06:002008-11-07T12:09:00.000-06:00Right. I think all of us need it. Even people wh...Right. I think all of us need it. Even people who only swear when they're driving :)therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-24011425052630538172008-11-07T11:22:00.000-06:002008-11-07T11:22:00.000-06:00I've noticed that it's the alcoholic (in recovery)...I've noticed that it's the alcoholic (in recovery) who has rages occasionally. I've identified that these are usually set off by frustration at not being able to do something (mostly associated with the boat and sailing). It's hard to get away from the situation on a boat. So I do my best to keep my mouth shut. I think anger control is definitely something that needs work.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.com