tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post61116591618058152..comments2024-03-14T03:16:23.482-05:00Comments on Everyone Needs Therapy: Paterno-Sanduskytherapydochttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-82892995374931700642011-12-02T13:06:49.097-06:002011-12-02T13:06:49.097-06:00I sat with my therapist today and called the schoo...I sat with my therapist today and called the school where the teacher works now. I hope it makes a difference for another girl. It was a really, really hard thing to do.Ellanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-71017525617553686522011-11-22T11:39:52.849-06:002011-11-22T11:39:52.849-06:00Patty, it usually does blow up, which is why so ma...Patty, it usually does blow up, which is why so many people don't blow the whistle. Not knowing enough to counsel you hear, ask a professional nearby. But based upon what I'm hearing, it's always okay to let the dust settle for a few weeks, then see if a sympathetic ear has heard you. This is how community intervention begins. One person makes the initial stink, then a few others sympathize, and before you know it you have a watchdog organization and community education. It has to start somewhere. Thanks so much for writing.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-31343326406420611152011-11-22T11:20:55.126-06:002011-11-22T11:20:55.126-06:00Thanks for posting this. I have recntly "out...Thanks for posting this. I have recntly "outed" one of my abusers to try and protect another child, the whole thing has blown up in my face. Incidentally it was triggered by this case. I blogged about it. Maybe you have some advice? Where do I go from here?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-59634964317646793092011-11-21T22:11:00.328-06:002011-11-21T22:11:00.328-06:00A similar situation is happening down here at the ...A similar situation is happening down here at the Citadel where a pedophile led a summer camp, sat around watching porn with the kids and masturbating. No one reported his actions to the police. Then, he went on to defile countless others. It is all so sad.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-57334307233171850842011-11-21T09:36:56.195-06:002011-11-21T09:36:56.195-06:00Thank you for posting this. My heart goes out to ...Thank you for posting this. My heart goes out to the victims of these crimes.elder care charlottehttp://comprehensivenc.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-25924537742468854532011-11-19T12:22:03.013-06:002011-11-19T12:22:03.013-06:00Hey TD. Reading about this is just ridiculously h...Hey TD. Reading about this is just ridiculously hard. How many boys did he get to...we will probably never, ever know. I quoted a statistic to a couple of my "normal" friends - the ones who didn't think stuff like this ever happened. <br /><br /><br />"In the adult retrosptective study, victimization was reported by 27 percent of the women and 16 percent of the men. The median age for the occurrence of reported abuse was 9.9 for boys and 9.6 for girls. Victimization occurred before age eight for 22 percent of boys and for 23 percent of girls. Most of the abuse of both boys and girls was by offenders 10 or more years older than their victims. Girls were more likely than boys to disclose the abuse. Forty-two percent of the women and thirty-three percent of the men reported never having disclosed the experience to anyone.<br />Source: Finkelhor et al., 1990."<br /><br />My friends were honestly saddened and shocked - maybe this will wake ALL of them up...this stuff is out there and in places you never would expect it. My heart hurts thinking about it and it has reawakened many of the old hurts that I thought I had put away. <br /><br />Anyway, I could ramble on, but then I'd feel like you should bill my insurance! LOL! :)porcini66https://www.blogger.com/profile/00547909036887434734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-49171590149201028782011-11-16T15:09:46.560-06:002011-11-16T15:09:46.560-06:00Right, Ella. Still another reason to feel bad, ge...Right, Ella. Still another reason to feel bad, get mad.<br /><br />Thanks all for the comments. These are fabulous. I hear McQueary is now saying that he did stop the rape and did go to the police. So glad to hear that. But the system cover up, oy vey.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-11066465350851086872011-11-16T14:57:22.909-06:002011-11-16T14:57:22.909-06:00Yeah, I'm an adult now, with a therapist, and ...Yeah, I'm an adult now, with a therapist, and I still don't want to take it on, feels like too much.<br /><br />When I was 16 I thought it was cool that he liked me. Why would I tell then...Ellanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-12963484467957513402011-11-16T13:50:35.820-06:002011-11-16T13:50:35.820-06:00The fact is, that even if a kid tells, even when t...The fact is, that even if a kid tells, even when there's a firing, the kid is dealing with too many issues for one so young. It's totally overwhelming, really slows down development, for some, not all, of course. The social stigma, the attention, the interrogation, the guilt, the pain. All too much.therapydocnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-59853314798289969762011-11-16T12:23:35.111-06:002011-11-16T12:23:35.111-06:00Yes, been waiting for this post but also a bit afr...Yes, been waiting for this post but also a bit afraid of it, the affirmation that so much of the system and our insitutions fail to protect the vulnerable. And when the vulnerable are harmed, the institutions work to protect themselves first, handle the situation in the easiest way possible.<br />The teacher who was inappropriate with me, I found him last month and he's still teaching. But if I tell on him now, all I get is a boatload of sorrow, and he likely gets to walk away with "early retirement"Ellanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-25598344055849942092011-11-14T13:19:13.262-06:002011-11-14T13:19:13.262-06:00Ugh. I keep turning off the TV, I just can't l...Ugh. I keep turning off the TV, I just can't listen to it. In many ways, I am more mad at the grad student than Sandusky himself. Sandusky was clearly sick, he Had Problems. But this grad student, how could he just walk by? Push him, beat him, STOP that awful, awful thing. He has no excuse. None. The same for Joe Pa, although I am not surprised he tried to rescue his "baby," the reputation, the team instead of some generic kid. It doesn't make it right, though.Annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381554731510359760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-24233536643519291092011-11-14T03:05:10.512-06:002011-11-14T03:05:10.512-06:00So disturbing on so many levels. The sociological ...So disturbing on so many levels. The sociological response has been upsetting. The low priority of protecting children in America has, and continues to be clearCounselor CEUshttp://www.aspirace.com/counselor-ceus.aspxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-61471893115614624572011-11-13T09:12:14.031-06:002011-11-13T09:12:14.031-06:00...There are, in fact, many reasons why bystanders...<i>...There are, in fact, many reasons why bystanders in groups fail to act in emergency situations, but social psychologists have focused most of their attention on two major factors. According to a basic principle of social influence, bystanders monitor the reactions of other people in an emergency situation to see if others think that it is necessary to intervene. Since everyone is doing exactly the same thing (nothing), they all conclude from the inaction of others that help is not needed. This is an example of pluralistic ignorance or social proof. The other major obstacle to intervention is known as diffusion of responsibility. This occurs when observers all assume that someone else is going to intervene and so each individual feels less responsible and refrains from doing anything.[6]<br />In one study the effects of masculinity and the bystander effect were studied. Subjects participated in a simulated group discussion via headphones. One member of the group apparently had a choking fit and called for help. Highly masculine subjects were less likely to take action to help the victim than were other subjects. Femininity and actual gender had no effect on likelihood of helping. Results are interpreted according to past research evidence that highly masculine subjects fear potential embarrassment and loss of poise, so they may be reluctant to intervene in emergencies....</i> Wikipedia, "bystander effect"Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17394208100477838739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-24393362876344104192011-11-13T01:16:47.035-06:002011-11-13T01:16:47.035-06:00Wow. I came looking for your post for a few days....Wow. I came looking for your post for a few days. Thank you for this. When you wrote about being worthy and mattering, of course you pinpointed my challenge -- and that I am sure of every kid who ever negotiated adolescence and adulthood with the mathematical symbol for less than attached in the vey long wake of assault and abuse. You wrote about the loss of innocence, integrity and personhood. I would add the loss of potential -- due to the nagging, unrelenting belief that you are bad. Intrinsically bad. Irreparably bad. Irrevocably bad. This has been my challenge for 35 years. And in 1976, maybe it was expecting too much for people to be enlightened. But how does this happen in 2011? How is it that it was seen -- and known -- and allowed to continue. I ran across an article or two that noted Spanier had been a marriage and family therapist and founding editor of the Journal of Family Issues. Having been informed of Sandusky's behavior, how could so many have stood by silently while he continued showing up with young boys to football games and other university sponsored events. I have wept for the boys for days; I weep for them because I know their fears and their futures. But oh, how I hope I am wrong. Thank you again for addressing it -- and focusing on the children.linrob63http://www.dealingwithhealing.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-50852049654152960162011-11-12T23:45:45.914-06:002011-11-12T23:45:45.914-06:00I think right now, any person who's ever been ...I think right now, any person who's ever been sexually assaulted, is reliving that experience. Every parent or grandparent who's ever been worried about a child, is angry and terrified.<br /><br />A lot of people are saying, no way could I walk in on such a scene and LEAVE. Abandon a small child to a rapist. Hopefully we'll never have to be tested that way. And some good will come of this, perhaps, we can talk more about the rape culture that lets it be a game of pass the buck instead of protect the kids.The Writing Goddesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14577032840574632179noreply@blogger.com