tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post6827650439295502271..comments2024-03-14T03:16:23.482-05:00Comments on Everyone Needs Therapy: Intimacy Regulationtherapydochttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-59846685292946751602010-11-29T08:43:23.456-06:002010-11-29T08:43:23.456-06:00I love the light bulb joke!
Intimacy is the one a...I love the light bulb joke!<br /><br />Intimacy is the one area of my life I have left to overcome due to my abuse. I hope to one day get there.Erin Merrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05299795583293680035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-51295892157406178692010-11-24T23:26:44.944-06:002010-11-24T23:26:44.944-06:00I laughed out loud at your laugh out loud part of ...I laughed out loud at your laugh out loud part of your post :D hehe. I most definitely have laughed out loud at stuff i've written! Hmm...Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15527105352778121192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-67514030682525403012010-11-24T21:44:39.550-06:002010-11-24T21:44:39.550-06:00Been there and done that feedback loop many times....Been there and done that feedback loop many times. I am thankful to be in a 12 step program that teaches me to not control another, to let them be who they are, and to focus on myself. It has helped a lot in my marriage and with friends. Yes, I can still become irritated, but I also realize that restraint of tongue is a good thing.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-42596910221634753732010-11-24T19:52:10.368-06:002010-11-24T19:52:10.368-06:00Jess, it's on your head, sweetie.
Grace, I wi...Jess, it's on your head, sweetie.<br /><br />Grace, I wish I thought you were kidding about that glass, but I know you're not!<br /><br />I love that! Offering a hand is an insult. Thanks Donna.<br /><br />Uh, Patient, I can't get past the nonconsensual sex part, which is rape. I sure hope you never had a therapist who condoned such a thing. <br /><br />Mound Builder, a couples therapist with any training would not be encouraging a couple with anger as an issue, to touch. <br /><br />And in case anyone is wondering, not every relationship is meant to be.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-61987581331622927132010-11-24T19:19:09.862-06:002010-11-24T19:19:09.862-06:00Mound builder, your reply felt supportive. Just w...Mound builder, your reply felt supportive. Just want to say that in my case the couples counseling wasn't an all-bad thing. I clung to it (my image of therapy appointments is like an old Tarzan video game where there were swinging ropes you held onto and you had to get from rope to rope without falling into the snapping gators below: appointments are the ropes) and the counselor was helpful in getting me into individual therapy and in helping me resist my husband's complaints about the time I spent in therapy. But it would have been helpful if he had spoken to my individual therapist. He asked for a release at one point then never called. And I wasn't able to ask for what I wanted.patientnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-28815983244103171122010-11-24T15:37:49.735-06:002010-11-24T15:37:49.735-06:00Senile?
Who is the English patient, anyway?Senile?<br />Who is the English patient, anyway?FamDocnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-24225128873181229322010-11-24T10:20:45.608-06:002010-11-24T10:20:45.608-06:00Patient said... What you describe is a concern I h...Patient said... What you describe is a concern I have about marriage counseling, that there really are sick individuals, and the reality is that women can be abusive/excessive/controlling, just as men can. And that in marriage counseling it may be very hard for the one on the receiving end of the abuse to speak up so that efforts to get the couple to touch more, etc. simply leave the abused person more vulnerable. To me, that's why it would be important for a couple to also be seeing individual counselors, separately (and not the same counselor) so the person on the receiving end of abuse might have a safe place to begin to talk. It seems to me that after some period of time in individual counseling, then maybe marriage counseling would be reasonable. But without a safe place for an abused person to speak up, marriage counseling may not help and may make things worse for the abused.Mound buildernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-75862825743206026722010-11-23T21:28:36.235-06:002010-11-23T21:28:36.235-06:00I have this problem of an imbalance of affection i...I have this problem of an imbalance of affection in my (failing) marriage and, sure, there's some of us in a few of your points but the big one for us is missing: love addiction. (Or sex and love addiction: can it still be sex addiction when when I'm the only target? Or, rather, the internet and I are the only targets?) Some people are insatiable. Nothing can ever be enough. And what about relationship abuse? In my case, if you point to anger as the culprit instead of citing all the jealous, controlling behavior or the horrendous non-consentual sex that put the anger into place, your, well, sounding a lot like my spouse. I get it that I'm reading myself into what you're saying more than is rational and that there are a thousand reasons to be angry, but really, if we were to present in therapy and I was even vaguely looked at like get it together, this is what you signed up for (beside for the fact that it would break me) the therapist would become complicit with the abusive sexual behavior. I'm safer now, newly separated, so can integrate more of what I've dissociated but geeze do I wish the couples therapist we saw for two years had been able to see it because I wasn't able to clearly say it. Some people are really sick and really, really want too much. Even a couple weeks ago when he pushed his way into my house and I was trying to keep him out-- he confided to me afterward that as I as trying to defend myself he felt warm and fuzzy because I was touching him. Too much.Patientnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-45030094917167941052010-11-22T21:52:31.324-06:002010-11-22T21:52:31.324-06:00Off topic perhaps, but I really appreciate the con...Off topic perhaps, but I really appreciate the concise and easy pronunciation guides you always include. <br /><br />I grew up with a bit of a distorted view of hugging because it often physically hurt my shoulders or back. I realize now that I've probably had some sort of fibromyalgia type problem from an early age. (Painful hugs aren't the only clue.)<br /><br />But, I hugged and got hugged anyway. No getting around it at gatherings of the large extended family, which occurred regularly.<br /><br />But, I also assumed that everyone felt pain when they got hugged, so I thought the hugging must be a very important ritual. <br /><br />Since then (far too many years since then!) I've learned differently -- that hugging is pleasant for many people and that just as many more do not regularly hug anyone. <br /><br />I remember fondly one of my daughters' father-in-law (an immigrant) who explained to me that offering my hand to him was an insult - that we were now relatives so the proper greeting was an embrace.<br /><br />So I wasn't completely wrong that it is an important ritual. At least for some.Donna B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16771075314473811594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-4767714364021060372010-11-21T20:51:32.199-06:002010-11-21T20:51:32.199-06:00I thought your rant was funny. It is hard for ther...I thought your rant was funny. It is hard for therapist to be funny with such a serious subject at hand. Once my therapist slipped when I was about to get involved with someone just like my ex. she said you know that is the same crap you have been in before. I liked her honesty but the next visit she apologized and I said it was nice that she showed she cared about me. We know you guys want us to figure out things for ourselves but it is a lot work and an occasional out burst is nice.<br /><br />As far as todays entry, my friend told me yesterday that she is going kill her husband if he leaves one more glass sitting beside the sink with dried metimucil in it. Relationships are tough but being alone sucks too.Grace-WorkinProgresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16386539822343069884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-20222028969960654072010-11-21T17:07:12.237-06:002010-11-21T17:07:12.237-06:00Yana/Moon, people keep telling me to watch that sh...Yana/Moon, people keep telling me to watch that show, but it's like doing unpaid overtime, watching stuff like that, although I'll try it one day, no promises. I wanted FD to see The English Patient and he refused on the same grounds. Like you've noticed, rules are meant to be broken, even in therapy.<br /><br />Marcia, I hear it's really hard to do that, hug in a 12 Step program, but you get used to it. I'm surprised we haven't heard from people who want to say, What's so bad about not needing so much touching?! So many people more people seem to get into trouble that way, touching.<br /><br />Texaco, I can't tell you how many people I see who avoid the word alcoholic, replace it with softer words like, prolific drinkers. I'm good with whatever anyone wants to call it, don't push a program, either, which may sound weird, but pushing doesn't seem to help anyway, right?<br /><br />Anon, some things really do stick in the old brain. Thank G-d.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-18771177166366301632010-11-21T16:54:25.323-06:002010-11-21T16:54:25.323-06:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-47561781089588824192010-11-21T16:47:13.264-06:002010-11-21T16:47:13.264-06:00insightful and informative piece..might steal it f...insightful and informative piece..might steal it for my blog! 0=) lol but otherwise thank you for posting as a therapist in the making i LOOOOOVE reading blogs like yours =)JWoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03419814241336125492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-59064659731012759692010-11-21T08:05:30.529-06:002010-11-21T08:05:30.529-06:00Lovely post. I'm in that nearly 25 years of m...Lovely post. I'm in that nearly 25 years of marriage group - have my own issues which aren't discussed with hubby. Whenever I'm thinking "Why are we doing this" I go back to that marriage day and try to recapture that feeling of young love.<br /><br />Thinking couples therapy could help up communicate better - haven't come up with the courage yet to suggest it. Too bad we don't live closer to Chicago.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-17817130563432691412010-11-20T09:55:29.426-06:002010-11-20T09:55:29.426-06:00OMG - You've totally described my parents who ...OMG - You've totally described my parents who should, by the way, be in a 12 step program. I don't want to pronounce anyone an alcoholic. I do, but I don't want to.<br /><br />And you've described the reason I have no interest in a long term intimate relationship with anyone. I'm perfectly happy with me, and unless someone who I really, really LIKE comes along and who I also happen to have chemistry with, I don't want to allow my serenity to be disturbed. <br /><br />Why would I want to accommodate someone else's taste, opinions, schedule, habits, shortcomings, defects...<br /><br />I've realized I could be in a relationship if I was willing to do all that; if I were desperate or lonely or not happy with me. But the price is way too high. <br /><br />In 4 column inventory one of the things we examine is how it affects our "pocket book" - which is not about money, per se; it is about paying the price. <br /><br />I don't want to place myself in a position to write inventory; not when I'm happy right now.<br /><br />Thanks for the post and the insight. I don't come by often but I'm always rewarded when I do.Texacohttp://thelastchancetexaco.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-67387578940955251082010-11-19T19:57:43.524-06:002010-11-19T19:57:43.524-06:00How 'bout A,C, AND D... but I'm in a 12 st...How 'bout A,C, AND D... but I'm in a 12 step program so I feel hopeful. I've learned to hug there.Marciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09072868519236902423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-3879433147119667962010-11-19T16:14:32.797-06:002010-11-19T16:14:32.797-06:00Oooo-kay :) I probably should post that on your Na...Oooo-kay :) I probably should post that on your Nancy Whoever post, but I'll just chime in here.<br />So, on ShrinkRap Dinah repeatedly criticized Paul (the In Treatment shrink character) for being too straightforward, for jumping on patients and pushing his interpretations. But you know what, and I love Dinah and what she has to say about the show almost as much as the show herself... BUT I totally disagree with her on that. I am aware Paul is a fictional character. And still, I often wish I had a therapist like that, someone who would dare to push a bit, confront me, not just wait it out until I'm ready, 'cause that might take YEARS.<br />So yes, please, call me out on my stuff. But still, be in control. Be ready to catch me if I slip. <br />I know... high expectations *sigh*<br /><br />(My former therapist knew I had issues with sex abuse and she just ignored that, waiting for me to start the talking. Yeah, a year's worth of therapy. So I switched therapists and I'm glad I did.)<br /><br />Thank you for being out here. I love your blog.Yana/Moonmaidnoreply@blogger.com