tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post116109123344724710..comments2024-03-14T03:16:23.482-05:00Comments on Everyone Needs Therapy: Separating and Self: The ANTI ENMESHMENT FACTORtherapydochttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-1161142008628798742006-10-17T22:26:00.000-05:002006-10-17T22:26:00.000-05:00Absolutely. There's no generalizing, however, to ...Absolutely. There's no generalizing, however, to an individual child. <BR/><BR/>Some children need to differentiate from the family, need to determine their own norms and values. When they are not appreciated for their differences, rather are shamed, cut-off, or disparaged within the family/community, then they may be in emotional jeopardy.<BR/><BR/>Their parents, also, the people who have had difficulty accepting a "different" child, lose out. <BR/><BR/>They may lose their relationship with their child altogether and have no stake in future progeny. <BR/><BR/>Forget filial piety/loyalty. <BR/><BR/>It's not gonna' happen.<BR/><BR/>This is why family therapists tend to value tolerance and acceptance of individual differences.<BR/><BR/>People get sick when they can't be themselves.<BR/><BR/>Most children, by the way, who are being compelled to follow a certain trajectory, are still working on identity formation. <BR/><BR/>What I'm saying here is that our children (as do we) have our whole lives to determine who we will be tomorrow. <BR/><BR/>Why hurry our children? Where's the fire?therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-1161138181331073892006-10-17T21:23:00.000-05:002006-10-17T21:23:00.000-05:00I think enmeshment is not only a Jewish phenomenon...I think enmeshment is not only a Jewish phenomenon. My friend Kanella is Greek and her parents are the most culturally similar people I've ever met. Also, think Asian/Japanese parents who are busy directing the lives of their kids. It has to do with parents who want so much for their kids - achievement, happiness, filial loyalty, etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-1161103576787177722006-10-17T11:46:00.000-05:002006-10-17T11:46:00.000-05:00fantastic as always, TD. although that pseudo inti...fantastic as always, TD. although that pseudo intimacy thing worries me - sounds like me and my brother!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-1161100428107383612006-10-17T10:53:00.000-05:002006-10-17T10:53:00.000-05:00Thanks Holly, you're so right!Thanks Holly, you're so right!therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27072566.post-1161098856442076792006-10-17T10:27:00.000-05:002006-10-17T10:27:00.000-05:00Taking a slight twist on this it goes hand in hand...Taking a slight twist on this it goes hand in hand with a phrase I commonly wear out in the adoption world: "Your children will be as comfortable or uncomfortable with their adoption as you their parents are." You can fool yourself into thinking you've carefully controlled your emotions, issues, etc. But our kids are mirror reflections of us in so many ways. Well said Linda - - again.<BR/><BR/>BTW I've enjoyed reading your tidbits of personal insights of late. ;o) Keep it up.<BR/><BR/>Hugs,<BR/>Holly<BR/><A HREF="http://www.hollyscorner.com" REL="nofollow">Holly's Corner</A>Holly Schwendimanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06411303601482249888noreply@blogger.com