It's the end of the year, and what a year it has been. Distressing, in a word. But just when you're about to give up hope, something wonderful happens, like Roy Moore loses! So on that note, let's get started with what might prove to become an annual post.
|Chris Sacca, the only mensch|
The EVERYONE NEEDS THERAPY 2017 SEXUAL MISCONDUCT AWARDS
1. Worst Loser Award
Roy Moore, congratulations!
Just in time for the celebration of Chanukah, we hear that the man who thought nothing of taking a fourteen year old girl to his house to get acquainted, lost election for Congress. Going in he was ahead at the polls, but thanks to the African American vote of intolerance, he lost by 20,715 votes. That's a lot of votes!
Yet, at this writing, Moore refuses to concede. He believes that God might still save the day. Well, Roy, God works in mysterious ways. Even Donald Trump is saying, Let it go, fella. Roy Moore gets the Worst Loser Award for not only refusing to see himself as imperfect, but for not resigning when he probably should be behind bars or in therapy, or both. That's what we call a serious chutzpah.
Ashcroft, informed that he had to go, sent the following text to the station, the line that earns him the Worst Parting Shot award:
"I am sure that once the facts come out that people will see me for who I am-- flawed but caring and decent in all my dealings with others."
Translate this into therapy-speak and what he means is: Who me? Must be some misunderstanding. I'm awesome. One day they'll know. They'll be sorry.
Oh, we already know more than enough, Tom.
Onto the next award!
Matt Lauer, hands down. Lauer is said to have installed a panic button in his desk that allowed him to lock his office door from the luxury of his chair. Women can get in, but they can't get out! This is called creative narcissism, but it isn't the good kind. Do not pass Go, Matt.
IV. And Two Awards, Two, go to a our politician who is not a President of the year (and that's a tall order)
1. Best, if Second-Rate Entertainer in Politics Award
and 2. First Place Swine at the Fair Award
People are trying to be kind about it, saying he suffers from senility, that's why he did it. Could be. But it still gives new meaning to the expression photo op.
Let's pause for a song, because nobody, with the exception of VC Chris Sacca, the only one in the scores of sexual misconduct apprentices knows how to apologize (I HAVE MORE WORK TO DO, he writes).
As the wonderful, if drunken Dean Martin might croon:
That's all the time we have for today, friends.