Everyone Needs Therapy

The blog is a reflection of multi-disciplinary scholarship, academic degrees, and all kinds of letters after my name to make me feel big. The blog is NOT to treat or replace human to human legal, psychological or medical professional help. References to people, even to me, are entirely fictional.

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

How I Could Have Saved the Chicago Cubs This Season

I'm writing this at the behest of a friend. He honestly thinks that a little marital therapy could have gone a long way to save Addison Russell, the promising Cubs shortstop. Addison helped the Cubs consistently on the way and during that World Series run in 2016. But this year, accused and found guilty of domestic violence/spousal abuse, his performance at bat, and sometimes on the field, greatly disappointed.
Addison Russell and his kids

"I don't know much about the case," I shot back, "but it makes sense. He had a terrible season, probably because he felt indefensible-- not a good feeling for a guy playing defense for a living."

Shortstops tend not to be the greatest performers at bat, but their agility and dexterity in the field are highly valued.  Addison, the bright star in 2016, can hit, too. But this year he slumped and didn't hit very often, slumped the whole season. We didn't even see him play all that much.

Melisa Reidy-Russell left him after he hit her one time too often. She told a reporter the following:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6245297/Who-Addison-Russells-ex-wife-Melisa-Reidy-need-know-her.html?ns_mchannel=rss&ito=1490&ns_campaign=1490












She writes further on that Addison warned her that leaving him would be a big mistake, he had so much to offer (by way of money, lifestyle). How could she leave him? She must losing her mind, he allegedly said, and she would never find anyone who loved her as much as he did.

Ms. Reidy-Russell came out with the stories on Instagram. Apparently she has found someone else who loves her, perhaps more. If you love someone, you don't scare them, hit them. That's not a definition of love.

But that's as much as I, personally, know. And I haven't even really looked at the Instagram account. 

So how could I have saved the Cubs? Frankly, the team never gelled this year. So many players were out with injuries, the manager, Joe Madden constantly juggling the line-up. It was an unusual season and that they did as well as they did surprised and inspired Cub fans. Five games ahead of Milwaukee at Labor Day, only to blow it at the end. But that's baseball.

On the other hand, there is one thing I would have told Addison Russell, had he asked me.
It is that domestic violence is no longer treated as merely anger management: self-relaxation/leave the room/breathe/  behavioral strategies. Therapy is about changing individual belief systems.  It is an individual cognitive therapy that confronts misogyny* and hegemonic masculinity, the belief that as a man, one needs to have the power to decide in a relationship. It is a right is embedded in social institutions and families and it is challenged by feminists.
At this point-- I'm just saying--men and women need to start listening more closely to the feminists.

The case of the Russells makes it abundantly clear that anything-- misogynist thinking is one variable, perhaps the most important variable-- that enters into an equation, a recipe that cooks up violence, destroys relationships (and work performance). The character of the perpetrator, all that enters into becoming who he is, is worth tweaking (changing) and rethinking.

Hold on. We're not supposed to use the word "perpetrator" anymore. The "perpetrator" is someone we want to become a client in therapy. The word  perpetrator is negative, demoralizing, blaming, and  clients emotionally check out when they hear it, already thinking:

She made me do it.

So therapists, stick with non-threatening language, as should everyone else.

In the new Intimate Partner Violence therapy, the Duluth Model, the victim IS a victim, not a catalyst, a person who instigated or deserved to be on the receiving end of violence. The victim has been victimized, pure and simple.

The client, in the Duluth Model, owns the responsibility for the problem.

Among the things the client needs to change is the tendency to emotionally manipulate to  win arguments. This person needs to see that aggression is beyond checking out, 'seeing red" or becoming an animal driven by a primal aggressive need. It has been socialized (taught as masculinity), and it manifests as negligence of care for a partner's health and security.

Other reasons for violent behavior will be unveiled in a good therapy.

The current thinking, no matter, is that the most important intervention is acceptance--admission of a problem, owning it entirely, not blaming anyone else for having triggered an outburst,  eroding that person's sense of worth over time.

Own it, admit, it, get therapy to find out why this is the person you have become.

It is a very rich, fascinating therapy. If it becomes a couple therapy--and couple therapy has to be considered VERY carefully, because it can trigger more violence--the client may find himself on his knees, literally-- as anyone who truly harms anyone else should be.

Addison Russell, the still promising Cubs shortstop will be suspended from MLB play until May, 2019. By that time he may no longer be a Chicago Cub. But I hope he is. I hope he gets the right kind of help and feels the power of self-containment. Breathing can probably help him at bat, too.

But honestly, he wasn't the reason the Cubs didn't make it past the Wildcard this season. The team didn't have it. No matter the reason for that, the text FD sent me the night the Cubs lost to the Rockies lifted my spirits:




And as all good Cub fans say, There's always next year.

therapydoc

Many thanks to Jorge Argueta for teaching me more about Intimate Partner Violence. If you have a problem with it, contact him at AVANCECOUNSELING.COM. He's amazing.

* Misogyny is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including social exclusion, sex discrimination, hostility, androcentrism, patriarchy, male privilege, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification.







- October 09, 2018 3 comments:
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Labels: Addison Russell spouse abuse, Cubs losing to the Rockies in 2018, dominance and domestic violence, Duluth Model, intimate partner violence, Jorge Argueta

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Bibliotherapy

Well, I liked putting out that post on breathing. It felt good to write to educate people again.

But then I forgot to send links to it to new people who subscribed by sending me their email addresses, rather than rely upon the feed-- as recommended :). And I felt guilty about that, naturally, and I thought, do I write about that guilt?

Maybe.  But not now.

Not blogging regularly hadn't been intentional, rather there was too much else to do. And now, with a research project in full swing, there's even less of that. But for some goofy reason here we are, me talking to you again, you reading along. You have no idea how nice that is for me.  But maybe you do!

Because at some point, who does the therapist talk to? We've discussed this before, consulting, even socializing with other therapists. But at 5 a.m.  Who then?  It's good to vent, no? Just write things down, whether anyone is listening or not. It's called bibliotherapy. Talking when you know someone is listening is even more therapeutic, once considered THE healing agent, above all. Maybe it still is. I haven't kept up with the outcome research.

So maybe there will be more from me here, now that I've figured out how to log into Blogger again.
There's no one else to tell things, to kvetch. Like, what do I do when the Rabbi complains about bowling alleys, that a person can't look up at his score without having to see Tiger Woods golfing on the screen next to his bowling score (he took the kids on vacation). What do I say, "Hey Rabbi, watch it. Some of us like bowling and we really don't care what's on those screens, and by the way, usually it's baseball.

Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. Also, maybe Tiger has attended a 12-step program by now, is a model citizen.

You see, there are other thoughts about it these things. 

Yours in vanity posts, 

therapydoc

- August 21, 2018 1 comment:
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Labels: bibliotherapy, therapists venting, vanity posts

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Breathing

Well, it’s been awhile. Hope everyone’s doing well. 

You need to know (if you’re wondering why there’s nothing so little new content here) 
that I subscribed to the volunteered slavery of research. I'm loving it, but it is super
 time-consuming. One day I'll publish something helpful to society, you never know, 
something like this little piece from my friend. 

But more about me. I’m still in practice, and being fairly certain that the State of Illinois
 still demands continuing education to stay licensed, I took another course on 
Mindfulness. Naturally that led to a hack, a quick and easy way to get people to do it. 
Then, in the process of recommending that to people, I realized that my hack was 
working as well as anything that I had learned in the class. So when that happens, 
as it probably does with many of us, for sure with me, you know, I started telling 
everyone. Everyone. (It has to be boring to be my friend.)

And then I thought of you. In a word, neglected.

The original book on mindfulness and psychology, Kabat-Zinn’s Full Catastrophe Living, 
suggests, among many other things (it is a good read) 3 minutes a day of mindful breathing. 
There are different ways to do it, according to the continuing ed program, like there’s 
Lion Breathing, and Ocean Breathing. Ocean breathing is cool because you
simulate the sound of the ocean.


Anyway, I found myself copying those different breathing instructions and 
recommending them to patients— just about anyone who desperately needed to 
calm down. That would be 3/4 of my buddies.

Except they didn’t do it. Maybe they tried it once or twice. 

I said, “You don’t have to do it for 3 minutes. Do it for 30 seconds.”

Didn’t happen. Maybe one person did that. And of course it helped her, and 
she's continuing and doing much better.

I would say, this isn’t going to help you for 3-6 months, but the sooner you get onto it, 
the sooner it will help you. It will help you more than you can possibly realize. 
This I knew from personal experience. But the crazy thing was that 
I never did the 3 minutes. That could be why it took me so long, not sure. 
That would make sense.

The 3-6 month thing could be true, or could be a paradox. I might have made it up.
I didn't finish Full Catastrophe Living, truth told, it was due at the library.

But here’s the thing. That hack is helpful, and I knew that, so I tried it with patients. 
I told people— anyone who would suffer the lecture-- Don’t worry how you breathe. 
Don’t worry when or how often or for how long. Just throw it into something you do, 
your life. Concentrate, becoming aware of your breath. Do it while washing dishes, 
or standing in line at the grocery store. Do it while waiting, waiting for anything, 
a bus, an appointment. Don’t worry about technique. You breathe just fine.
You're good! Quit judging how well you do it. It’s all good! If you feel dizzy, 
make sure that your inhale and exhale are equal, say a count of 4 on each or 5, 6, 
any number, any count, and it need not be the same count. You can count 3, then 5,
 then 10, whatever. Doesn't matter. Keep it comfortable. Go with how your lungs 
are feeling. Just notice it, feel it. Feel your lungs, too.

Do it while you’re exercising, do it while you’re cooking. Do it before sleeping or 
while your boss is criticizing you. Do it in the shower, on an airplane, do it when 
you’re bored. Do it before you check your messages or email, or social media. 
Do it while you're social networking. Do it while making love. 

Take a few seconds to notice that you are doing all that it takes, the only thing 
it takes, the only requirement, for being alive. 

To life, and if we don't talk before the holidays, Happy New Year. 

therapydoc.



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- August 16, 2018 2 comments:
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Labels: 3 minutes a day breathing, breathing, breathing and anxiety, continuing education, Kabat-Zinn’s Full Catastrophe Living, lion breathing, mindfulness, ocean breathing

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Starbucks Diversity Training and other Important Matters















Ducks in a row
Today's the day! Starbucks is closing for the afternoon. If you work there you'll be training up, as they say at Relationship-Wise.com, a group of people who simply hate sexual harassment. 
Starbucks will be using The Kaleidoscope Group, a Chicago (!) based diversity consultancy.

And for those of us who just want a cup of late afternoon Joe, it won't hurt you any to miss it.
You'll sleep better, maybe.  

Let's get on with the show.



Muir Woods Or Bust

About a month ago, when those of us who suffer the long Chicago winters woke up to birds singing, temperatures in the 70’s, and sunny, sunny skies, I took to lubing up my bicycle and filling the tires. Time, finally, to ride to work.  

Spring is a big deal for Chicagoans battling W-PTSD, Weather Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. We immediately mistrust everything, especially our perceptions about reality. Is it really going to stay warm? Or is this merely a temporary drop in temp.  We become hyper-aware, check our weather apps again and again, seeking out abrupt changes that will make us wish we wore a sweater, or sorry we forgot our snow boots (in April). 

But on this day strangers smile at one another on the street, whispering, Finally! The exclamation is like sharing a secret-- no explanation, no more words necessary. It is finally warm. We are healed.

So I ride my bike to work.

The bike path runs parallel to the Chicago river, and at the underpass are ducklings and geese greeting one another in the water. Soon we'll see occasional canoes and kayaks, kids rowing hard. I stop my bike to gaze into the water and see a styrofoam hamburger container, the kind you might get at a take-out place.  It is floating out there on the river like a boat. A misplaced bit of garbage that might be in the river, might travel downstream until it hits the Gulf of Mexico. 
before 

This bothers me a lot, seeing that styrofoam box in the river, knowing it isn’t biodegradable. And it hurts my need for order, beauty.  About a yard away is a goose (not shown), a beautiful creature, sitting proudly in the water. He is staring at me as if to say,  I didn’t make this mess. You guys did.

floating burger in a box
That's when I remembered the book I promised to review ages ago, MUIR WOODS OR BUST, a very nice little paperback, good for the beach and apropos to our discussion about garbage in a river. 

Because this is about me, I have to confess, that cringe is not my thing. I still remember the earwig in a Star Trek movie, avoid anything that makes my stomach turn, which means skipping most futuristic television, and some really good movies. So the fact that I kept reading MUIR WOODS, knowing full well that there might be more cringe material after reading about the stink bugs that have invaded the homes of our author's little neighborhood, probably because of polution, tells all. 
 IAN WOOLLEN’s  Muir Woods kept me reading! Having a low bar for novels, that's all that is required, no need for psychological import. Muir Woods,  despite the stink bugs and that the protagonist is a therapist, kept me reading. You’re all psychologically astute, so whatever you’re thinking about my not liking books about therapists is probably correct. 

But this is about a marriage and family therapist, and realistic, too, he's such a humanist, not an every day therapist, and there are only so many of those. This therapist is depressed, aging, a scholar who has recently has lost his spouse, a rabid environmentalist. He misses her desperately, converses with her, imagines her while he drives, sees her in the rearview mirror (or am I making that up?). He sees her watch him play poker on poker night, and this alone is good story, as is the story about their son, a seemingly lost soul, a gamer/game programmer, who stares at a screen during his waking hours.

Who doesn’t fear that this is the future of all young sons?

It is futuristic, in that way. The world will be designed at the pleasure of talented children, and could be colorful, if our boy has any color to him, but he won't, not until he meets someone, he'll be a mourner and a downer, glued to a chair, programming the perfect game. But he meets someone! For our author is a romantic, and this makes the story so much happier, just plain better, for you do have to wonder if they will make it as a couple. And isn't that what all couples therapists are wondering most of the time?

So despite the cringe, the environmental blights, the dim, dreary, catastrophic events, and the  
air, if there is any, that just feels bad, this is a book about people getting help from random events. Ian has woven them all together, masterfully. There’s so much plot, so much really good fanciful plot, so much story, well, eventually I did finish it and here we are, in the middle of a review. Were it not for the plot, there would be no review, you see, for we therapists, you see, are in it for the story, and might not deign to review a book with little story.

And even better, there's a satisfying ending, tying together many diverse and engaging characters. 

Where could Mr. Woollen have possibly have come up with great plot and so many weird, diverse, engaging characters (that I haven't the strength or time to describe)? 

One suspects Ian is a therapist, or worse, had one for a mother or a father, or heaven forbid, both. He could be an ACOT, Adult Child of a Therapist, or maybe just somebody like me, with all that education under his belt, who just likes to write.

Sure, check this one out. And no littering, okay? See to it that our rivers, our world is habitable.

therapydoc 


- May 29, 2018 1 comment:
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Labels: environmental pollution, green, therapists in novels, therapy podcasts

Friday, February 09, 2018

General Welsh and Why Men in the Military Rape

Oh, I would have loved to write this one, but here it is, somewhere else.

I feel this is worth the read, am pretty sure we've talked about rape myths here on this blog, but maybe not. This author, a friend of mine, mentions 15 of them! Fifteen, and she says there are more.

There are, you should know, also myths that men believe that justify their sexual harassment of women in the workplace. But let's start with rape. It isn't going away.

Here's the link. The General And Rape Myths.

Hope all's well! Drive safe if you're in Chicago. It's a blizzard out there.

therapydoc
- February 09, 2018 No comments:
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Labels: gender conflict, rape myths, sex roles, sexual assault, sexual harassment prevention, Why men rape

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Hawaii











Would you believe it? A shoe store capitalizing on the false nuclear alarm in Hawaii. Sorry, Famous. Bad taste.

You may know that I have a little annihilation anxiety, most of us do. But I’m still conscious of it, having had it most of my life. For years, as a little kid, then well into my adulthood, I had a recurring dream about home invaders, two big men climbing through my bedroom window or banging down the front door of our home. I could see them through the little triangular windows of the front door, used all my might to keep them from getting in. I'd wake up in a sweat. 

The dreams persisted once every month or so, until, as a middle-aged woman, as a responsible mother, they just faded away. There were too many other things to worry about, like the safety of the family, my children.

That, or the dreams stopped with the empowerment of Master Han, a Tai Quan Do instructor. I was too uncoordinated to do Tai Quan Do so he just gave me a couple of private lessons. Master Han taught me to bang an attacker's nose with my head, smack a groin with my knees, and box ears, if at all possible. Use your whole body, he told me.

That helped, and when I walk alone I flex my muscles, open and close my fists. Smack them, ready. But I still worried, even after Master Han, when I got on an airplane, that it would go down, worried to the degree that at one point I wrote last requests of my children, deep thoughts, a kind of a will. I found it recently and boy, am I glad I didn't die. They would have thought me beyond help. Dead, but beyond help.
Do not open unless I'm not here any more. 
I tore it up, irrelevant so many years later. Sometimes I think about this blog and think: I should take that down, too. 

Once, before getting on a plane to Israel, I glimpsed someone I recognized, also boarding, a teacher, a woman who contributed to the community's intellectual and spiritual growth, every single day. I was in awe of this person and thought, We’re good. This plane isn't going down. It was a great trip. I never relaxed as well.

And flying hasn't been a problem since.

Have I told you, that despite the nuclear scare in Hawaii, we went anyway? I started this post before we left but decided to wait to post it because the pictures would surely be worth the wait. They're going up in the waiting room. 11 x 9's.

The thing about Hawaii, what makes it a big deal, is that it is the kind of place we've wanted to visit for decades. I do mean decades. You get older and say, decades. We'd joke around and say, One day, before we die, we should go to Hawaii. But it is so expensive, and being committed to spending our tourism dollars in Israel (and seeing family there) we usually head the other direction, assuming there's time and money, a big assumption. So Hawaii was really kind of a dream.

But the miles build up, flying to Israel, taking domestic business trips. Then one day last October FD proclaimed:

"There's a conference in Maui. Why don't we go?"

Maui, as in Maui Hawaii?

Yes.

Book it, now! 

So no to Costa Rica, no to Barbados and St. John. No to Viet Nan or Thailand. Although I have been to China without him for a wedding, and we have been to Paris for a day and London to see relatives, also on the way to Israel, but that was years ago, decades even, so. .  .

YES to Hawaii, even with the stupid nuclear alert, and that it is so close to Korea, such a sweet, happy target. And YES to the new world view—It is the regrets, at the end of your life, you regret the most.

Between October and early February, however, the universe still conspired, fanned my latent annihilation anxiety, the nuclear alert in Hawaii a big part of it. But there was also The Crown.

BIG SPOILER ALERT!! If you haven't seen this docu-drama about the Queen of England, try to find it one day. We're about to ruin an episode is in the second season, the one where Charles goes to a physically taxing boarding school--Phillip's insistence, Elizabeth's objection. It was HIS school, Phillip's alma mater, thus the son must go. If you haven't seen this and think you might, then SKIP THE NEXT PARAGRAPH. You have been warned.

We flash back to Phillip as a child, away to this school. He hates it and is moody, oppositional and punished for that, not allowed to go home at semester break to see his beloved sister and her family. We're in Nazi Germany, pre-war. Since he isn't free to go home, his sister goes on holiday elsewhere, and we see her and her family on a small commuter or military airplane, not sure which, but there's terrible turbulence, and screaming, and it doesn't look good at all, and FD turns to me and says: Not the sort of thing we should see before a long trip, I suppose. And I think, Well, no, probably not. It ends badly for Phillip's sister, one of the only sympathetic people in his life.

So for about half a second I reconsider Hawaii, then recover my sanity. 

Young mothers and fathers feel this paralysis when they entertain the notion that something could happen to them, leaving their children orphans. They hold that baby, that child, and think: What will this helpless creature do without me? Good G-d, I have to stay alive!!

And it is true. We know, quite well, that it is horrible to lose a parent young, a nightmare. We need our parents, especially the really good ones who love and love and then love us some more. It is a universal nightmare, the idea that we will die, will leave our dependents because face it, nobody could possibly nurture them the way we do. The thought of abandoning children keeps parents on their toes. They say no to the third or fourth drink, and when the joint is passed and they're driving, decline that, too. Young parents, even older parents, are wary of danger, and when they travel, say extra prayers, some take out extra insurance. (Is there still flight insurance? I don't think so, but my mother did that).

Knowing that anxiety is a family thing, and that we are little sponges as children, that we absorb our parents' feelings, I think I always knew, at some level, that this would be a personal lifelong curse. It seemed likely that my annihilation fears, which have generalized to worrying about everyone close to me, FD, my brother and his family, extended family, certainly my children, would linger despite the irrationality. We're all going to die, are we not? It is an uncomfortable feeling, anxiety, so I've learned to talk myself down, naturally, and mastered a thousand other ways to reduce anxiety behaviorally, never took a Xanax in my life. Without all that work, my thinking, I would be that apple that falls close to the tree, my mother's daughter. For her anxiety, especially about us, my brother and I, never faltered until the day she died.

What are the statistics of dying in an airplane crash? I only looked this up on Google, not the psych databases, because I had to pack for a trip and didn't have time. And now that I'm home, sorry, I'm too busy studying other things. But once I really did look it up for a patient. I can't find the results of the literature review right now, sorry, but learned that the best treatment for a fear of flying is virtual reality therapy, or desensitization, VRT. Get one of those head sets and a professional to hold your hand, or use your other tried and true interventions, breathing, muscle contraction, Headspace. The odds of dying on a commercial flight are 1 in 11 million, by the way. So bet on the pilot.

You get older and it isn't so scary anymore, the idea of dying, not that you want to abandon your kids. Even if it isn't scary, however, it isn't what most of us want, not having finished what we've started, fulfilled our dreams. We have more work to do, even if we're almost at retirement age. Some of us can't even conceive of retirement. Some of us. (And can't afford it, probably).

So did I worry about dying on that airplane?

I don't think I did. The anticipatory anxiety was all I needed, which is why the paradox intervention, even if you see it coming, still works. If you fear flying, be sure to do your preventive worrying regularly. If you're already doing that, kick it up a notch. Worry harder.

We started this post with that clip from an email advertisement from Famous Shoes, This is not a drill. . . It is likely that the CEO of Famous knew of Tom Leher. Mr. Lehrer, a satirist, wrote some great lyrics about nuclear war (see the video below to the end).

One more thing. Mr. Trump? If you're listening? Or Kim Jung Un? What about a little detente, some good relationship therapy. I'll take your insurance. Donald, you might have to apologize for what happened in the Korean War, just a head's up.

Oh, and both of you need a visit to Hawaii. It is a must before you die.

therapydoc


- February 04, 2018 No comments:
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Labels: abandoning children by dying, annihilation anxiety, Famous shoes nuclear ad, fear of flying, home-invader dreams, nuclear threat to Hawaii, Stephen Colbert confession, The Crown, VRT virtual reality therapy

Monday, January 01, 2018

What Jewish Women Like to Do Most to Their Partners

I understand that nobody blogs anymore, and that Orthodox Jewish women, in particular, are disappearing from print word journalism. They're turning instead to Instagram. So this inspired me to get more personal, because although a picture may be worth a thousand words, at least if you're selling something, or know how to mark it up, stories can be told over and over again.
Jews bowling

Here's one.

FD and I are getting ready to go to the bowling alley at 9:00 in the morning on New Year's Day, January 1, 2018. Monday mornings are slow times for bowling, and neither of us are working, so it is a win-win. This being a holiday, some of the best bowlers will be there, showing off their power, their best form. It is pretty fabulous.

Now, I love FD and am not afraid of telling him this, although I think he likes it better when I say, "You look amazing throwing that bowling ball." Objectifying someone isn't always objectionable. It can depend upon the context and the way a person takes the other's words. It depends upon permission.

Since bowling is a very intimate thing, or can be, FD and I relish the time together, a time to communication directly, hold back on the usual reservations. If he looks at me and asks, "What could I have done better there?" then I have to be able to say, "Well, your aim was to the lane on the left, not even our ally." That's sarcasm, but he'll laugh. It won't be much fun at all if I can't criticize what he's doing. He's bowling against himself.

An advice-giver usually likes to know that the advice is welcome, it feels good. The irony is that therapists usually advise against advice-giving. People just want to vent, not be fixed, unless they ask for it.

And yet, some of us are thinking, If you want real intimacy, let him (it's usually a him) give you advice, and listen to it. You might tell him to wait until you're finished venting, that you'll give him a sign. Because it feels really good to the person giving the advice to be able to help, especially when someone appreciates advice. It's a delicate balance, but mostly he should put a sock in it, and then, at some point when she's ready, he might be asked for his opinion.

FD and I are no different in that regard except there is no "he", no "she". With bowling, the gloves come off. In other situations we'll work on letting the other vent, be tolerant of all kinds of mistakes, hold our tongues. We would never intentionally hurt the other's feelings, even try very hard to avoid accidentally hurting the other's feelings. Even in the bowling alley, where we welcome one another's advice, we'd would never say, "Your form is terrible!"

But we have no compunction saying, "Yeah, you totally blew that one. I think with that heavy a ball, if you bring it back as far as you do, you'll lose control. Your spin won't compensate."

In bowling the empathy comes in when we just miss. We feel automatically feel the other's pain. It hurts us to feel our partner hurting, because when you get gutters, at our age, it hurts.

I feel like the more we can criticize constructively, the greater the gain.

"I want you to honestly tell me what you think of the pie," he asks, a spoon in his hand.

My mouth has been watering since that smell from the oven wafted into the family room. I know it will be amazing, this spoonful, but he wants a more discriminating answer. I taste it and say, "The crust--perfect. The filling . . . Hmm, you have nutmeg in there?!" (It is chocolate).

"Yes," he says, an exultant, hopeful look on his face. "A very small pinch."

"It helps! I like it. Would I like it without it? Yes. But I love this. I think I prefer it with nutmeg. And you know, I'm not a nutmeg person. I always thought I hated nutmeg."

"A tiny pinch," he explains.

It is a win-win, my honest opinion about his pies.

Anyway, we're getting ready to go to the bowling alley, and I am a bit slow. I lie down for a minute and say to him:  "I'm so glad we took up this hobby. We've talked about it a thousand times, how silly it is, how we really don't have time, and yet, how we look forward to this one hour a week. It keeps us from going crazy. But if this were me and a girlfriend, if it wasn't with you, it wouldn't be as good."

"Sure it would," he immediately counters.

"Nope. And I'll tell you why. I wouldn't be as happy for a girlfriend who gets a strike, as I am when you get a strike. Something about seeing you get a strike makes us both so happy, which might be the same with a girlfriend but I doubt it. You would feel the same, bowling with other people."

"I guess," he concedes.

"Conversely, empathy plays into it, too.  I feel badly if you feel badly, which is why when we bowl badly we just joke about it, laugh it off, say it is just a practice game.

If you get a strike, I think several things add into me being happy for you. (1) The sex roles are reinforced, (2) I don't have to feel badly about winning, (3) you might even pay. And the opposite tickles me when your ball lands in the gutter.

But honestly, we're not even thinking about any of that, it's unconscious. We play because we just love the heck out of the game.

"Let's go, already," he nags.

I roll off the bed, put on my boots. This is a dirty winter's day in Chicago. "Don't you think it is amazing that we can give each other, want each other's advice? Seriously, what couple criticizes without somebody getting all weird and sensitive about it? Only bowling couples. I'm telling you. That back and forth in bowling is probably the most intimate thing in sports."

"Ha, ha," he replies. "You like that back and forth because you're a woman, and the objective of every woman, especially Jewish women, is to marry the man to change him."

"Let us not stereotype," I say. "It isn't becoming."  Then I think about all the times he's pushed me to be a better person, to get a PhD, to call someone who is lonely. And I push back more:

"And really. I mean, look who's talking."

therapydoc






- January 01, 2018 4 comments:
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Labels: constructive criticizing, couple bowling intimacy, hurting feeling, marrying the man to change him, nutmeg in chocolate, objectifying men, recreational intimacy, sex discrimination and stereotype
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  • communicating about sex
  • communication theory
  • community service
  • companionship
  • comparing ourselves
  • comparing ourselves to others
  • competition
  • complaining
  • complex post traumatic stress syndrome
  • complicated grief disorder
  • complimenting
  • compulsive behaviors
  • computer guy
  • Conan and Anthony Weiner
  • condemning Hamas atrocities
  • CONDO
  • condo rules
  • condo stories
  • CONDO the book
  • confidence
  • confidence building
  • conflict avoidance
  • conflict of interests
  • conflict resolution and art
  • conflictual couple
  • conflictual couples
  • conflictural couples
  • confrontation
  • confusion about posting
  • congressmen and affairs
  • conquering fear
  • consensual relationships
  • consequences of drinking
  • constructing with instructions
  • constructive criticizing
  • consultation with other therapists
  • consulting
  • containing adrenaline when angry
  • contempt
  • context and schizophrenia
  • continuing education
  • contracts for sex
  • control issues
  • Controlled breathing
  • controlling anger
  • conversion
  • conversion disorder
  • conversion therapies
  • conversion therapy
  • Cookie Monster
  • coping
  • coping in dysfunctional families
  • coping strategies
  • coping strategies for embarrassment
  • coping thoughts of genocide
  • coping with anxiety and depression Covid-19
  • coping with coronavirus
  • coping with Covid-19
  • coping with pandemic
  • coping with the war in Israel
  • copycats
  • core beliefs
  • Cornyn Law
  • corona domestic violence
  • corona sexual violence
  • corona shaming
  • coronavirus and managing anxiety
  • corporate happiness
  • Cosmo Setepenra
  • cost of pet care
  • cougars
  • counting down
  • counting down until dying death
  • Country Strong
  • couple bowling intimacy
  • couple intimacy
  • couple process
  • couples behavioral therapy
  • couples therapy
  • coupon blogs
  • courage
  • cover up child sexual abuse
  • covering food
  • covid emotional scars
  • covid emotionally traumatizing kids
  • covid-19
  • Covid-19 anxiety
  • covid-19 OCD
  • CPS training
  • Craig T. Nelson
  • Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
  • creative blogs
  • Creative Numbing
  • creativity
  • creepy pasta wiki
  • crematorium
  • critical events
  • critical thinking
  • criticism
  • cross country ski stories
  • crying
  • crying public
  • crying triggers
  • CSWE2016
  • CSWE2016 APM
  • CTA
  • Cub rally
  • Cubs hats in Cardinals territory
  • Cubs losing to the Rockies in 2018
  • Cubs win World Series
  • cults
  • cultural differences
  • cultural faux pas
  • cultural mistakes
  • current events
  • cursing
  • Curtis Reeves
  • Curtis Sittenfeld
  • cut offs
  • cut-offs
  • cutting
  • cutting episode
  • cutting out carbs
  • cyber-abuse
  • cyber-bullying
  • cyberbullying
  • Cynthia Ozick
  • Dachau
  • dad
  • Dafne Merkin
  • Dallas Braden
  • Damn Yankees
  • Damon Young
  • Dan Brule
  • Dan Lyons
  • Dana Delany
  • dancing
  • Dancing with Fear
  • Dancing with the Stars
  • Daniel Henninger Year Christmas Died
  • Daniel Raeburn
  • Daniel Ross Goodman
  • Daniel Silva
  • Daniel Smith
  • Darrell Wheeler
  • dating
  • Dating 101
  • dating anxiety
  • dating for marriage
  • Dave Eggers
  • David Burns MD
  • David Dosa
  • David Foster Wallace
  • David Letterman
  • David Letterman and anthony weiner
  • daylight savings time
  • DBT
  • DBT Made Simple
  • de-shame
  • deadline anxiety
  • dealing with angry people
  • Dean Riopelle
  • death
  • death and dying
  • death and loss
  • Debbie Nathan
  • Deborah Tannen
  • Deborah the Judge
  • Debra Long
  • Debra Winger
  • deception
  • deception detector
  • deception in relationships
  • decision-making
  • decision-making therapy
  • decisions
  • deconstructing
  • defining pedophilia
  • definition of exile
  • definition of orphan
  • degrees of separation
  • delacorte press
  • delusions
  • denial
  • dependence
  • dependency
  • depends
  • depression
  • depression and heart disease
  • depression and loss of appetite
  • depression in the family
  • depression-trauma from war
  • Derech Eretz month
  • Derek Shrout
  • desensitization
  • desensitization to help messages
  • Desperate
  • Desperate Housewives
  • Desperate Housewives Tom and Lynette reconciling
  • detachment
  • developing self
  • device electronic addictions
  • devil
  • Devorah Gold
  • dharmas
  • diagnosing in chart
  • diagnosing with art and poetry
  • diagnosis
  • diagnostic labeling
  • Dialectical behavioral therapy
  • Dialectical behavioral therapy
  • dialysis
  • Dianne Feinstein
  • Didn't We Almost Have It All
  • difference between collecting and hoarding
  • difference between ocd and hoarding
  • differential diagnosis
  • differential diagnosis ADD and mania
  • differential diagnosis Stephen Paddock
  • differentiation
  • differently-abled
  • difficulty talking about weight
  • dinner intimacy
  • Dionne Hill
  • Dior Cherie
  • dirty jokes
  • disabilities
  • disappointing children
  • disconnecting from the religious community
  • Discovery Channel and James J Lee
  • Discovery Channel James J Lee
  • disenfranchised grief
  • Disney Inc
  • disorder
  • disorganized speech
  • displacement
  • displacing emotion
  • DISRUPTED
  • Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • dissolution
  • diversity
  • diversity training
  • division of labor
  • divorce lawyers
  • divorced
  • DJANGO
  • DMDD
  • Do the Walls Come Downtragic flaw
  • Do You Hear the People Sing
  • docs on vacation
  • doctor stories and covid-19
  • Doctors without Borders
  • dodo bird
  • dolls
  • dom
  • dom subdom
  • dom-subdom relationship preference
  • domain identity theft
  • Domeena Renshaw
  • domestic violence
  • Domestic Violence Awareness
  • dominance and domestic violence
  • dominant subdominant
  • Don Draper
  • don't separate yourself
  • Donald Deirdre McCloskey
  • Donald Draper
  • Donald Trump and narcissism
  • Donald Trump's unity acceptance speech
  • Dooce
  • Dorothy Fields
  • Dorothy Kirsten
  • double bind
  • double binds
  • double meaning of holy
  • doubt
  • Dove Real Beauty
  • Dr Phil
  • Dr. Laura
  • Dr. Phil
  • Dr. Ruth
  • dragon wrasse
  • dreading things
  • dream interpretation
  • dreams
  • DreamWorks
  • drinking
  • drinking in the day
  • drinking myths
  • drinking out of rebellion
  • driving elderly
  • driving in the snow
  • driving on the phone
  • driving to the airport
  • drug dealers
  • drug seeking
  • drug/alcohol abuse
  • drugs
  • drugs and alcohol
  • Dry
  • Dry: A Memoir
  • DSM IV
  • DSM V
  • DSM-5
  • DSM-5-TR
  • dual diagnosis
  • dual relationships
  • Duck Soup
  • dude
  • Duluth Model
  • Dumbledore
  • duo-diagnosis
  • DV
  • DVAP
  • DYI videos
  • dynamic views
  • dysfunctional families
  • Dysfunctional Family Bingo
  • dysfunctional interactions
  • dysthymia
  • E B White
  • EAP
  • early onset of puberty
  • earthquake
  • earthquake bride
  • East Side West Side
  • Eat A Red Apple Day
  • Eat Pray and Love
  • eating disorders
  • eating what you need to eat and no more
  • Ebay
  • Ebay addiction
  • ebay negotiations
  • Eben Alexander
  • eclipse panic. deadline anxiety
  • eco-system interventions
  • econsystem
  • ecosystem
  • ecosystems
  • Ecstacy
  • Ed Ray
  • Ed Sullivan
  • Eddie the Eagle
  • editing blogs by Elizabeth Souter
  • editing thoughts
  • editing what you say
  • Edna B. Foa
  • educational battlefield
  • Edward Herrmann
  • effective screaming
  • egalitarian
  • ego defense mechanisms
  • ego wounds
  • ego-syntonic
  • eharmony
  • Ehud Manor
  • eight forty-eight
  • Eisenhower
  • Eizabeth Bernstein
  • El Al
  • Elaine Stritch Liberty
  • electric cars
  • electronic charts for therapy
  • electronic game addictions
  • eleven-nine
  • Eli Ungar-Sargon
  • Eliot Spitzer
  • Elisabeth Moss
  • Elizabeth Bernstein
  • Elizabeth Gilbert
  • Elizabeth Souter
  • Ellen Degeneres
  • Elliot Peters
  • Elliot Roger diagnosis
  • Elliot Roger video
  • Elliott Rodger differential diagnosis
  • Elton John
  • Elul
  • emails
  • embarrassing parents
  • embarrassment
  • EMDR
  • emergiing adults
  • emerging adult
  • Emilia Clarke
  • Emily Mortimer
  • Emma Watson
  • emoticons as exclamations
  • emotional abuse
  • emotional blackmail
  • emotional boundaries
  • emotional breakdowns
  • emotional consequences of playing video games
  • emotional empathy
  • emotional exploitation
  • emotional family tree
  • emotional incest
  • emotional intelligence
  • emotional intimacy
  • emotional intimacy in families
  • emotional management
  • emotional reactivity
  • emotional regulation
  • emotional versus intellectual empathy
  • emotions
  • emotions on the holidays
  • Empath Daught
  • empathy
  • empathy and sensitivity
  • empathy in relationships
  • empathy overload
  • empathy training
  • empathy with strangers
  • empowerment
  • empty nest
  • empty places
  • enabling
  • Enchanted
  • encounter groups
  • end terror Hamas
  • ending conversations
  • ending therapy
  • Engaging Autism
  • engaging family members
  • engaging people
  • engaging the patient
  • engineering
  • enmeshment
  • enmeshment interventions
  • environmental hygiene
  • environmental pollution
  • Environmental storms
  • envy
  • ephebophile
  • ephebophilia
  • Epiphany
  • equalsthree
  • erectile dysfunction
  • Eric G. Wilson
  • Eric Hainstock
  • Ernie Banks
  • Erwin Vermont Washington
  • escitalopram (Lexapro)
  • escort services
  • escorts and prostitutes
  • Essays on Ethics: a weekly Reading of the Jewish Bible
  • essential features of borderline personality disorder
  • EST
  • EST.
  • Esther Shkop
  • ether
  • Eugene Landy
  • euthanasia
  • Eva Longoria
  • Evan Perez
  • Evanston beach
  • everlasting light
  • Everyone Loves Raymond
  • everyone needs therapy
  • Everyone Needs Therapy the book
  • everything's relative
  • evidence-based medicine
  • evil
  • exaggerating eulogies at a funeral
  • exaggeration
  • executive management disorder
  • exercise
  • exercise and antidepressants and heart attack
  • exercise and depression
  • exhibitionism
  • exhibitionistic disorder
  • Exodus
  • Exodus International
  • experiencers
  • explicit bias
  • exposure therapies
  • exposure therapy
  • expressed emotion
  • expressing anger
  • extramarital;. intramarital affair
  • Extraordinary Comebacks
  • extreme ski jumping
  • Extreme You
  • Eyal Yifrach
  • eye movement rapid desensitization
  • Ezra Miller
  • Ezra Schwartz
  • F-That meditation video
  • F.D.
  • face-saving
  • Facebook
  • facebook relationship status
  • facebook settings
  • facts about alcohol
  • failed hospital missile came from Gaza
  • failure to launch
  • faith in yourself
  • faking psychosis
  • fall in Chicago
  • falling asleep in lectures
  • falling asleep on your patients
  • Falling Slowly
  • Fame Junkies
  • families of Holocaust survivors
  • family
  • family alliances
  • family and medical leave act FMLA
  • family empathy
  • family grieving
  • family in hospice
  • family institute of chicago
  • family of origin
  • family process
  • family resemblances
  • family reunions
  • family roles
  • family system
  • family therapy
  • family therapy for behavioral disorders in children
  • family therapy techniques
  • family ties
  • Famous shoes nuclear ad
  • Fantasia Candies
  • Fantasia Chocolate
  • Fantastic 4
  • Far away for far too long
  • fasting
  • fasting on Tisha B'Av
  • fasting to appeal to God
  • father abandonment
  • Father's Day
  • father's day and therapy
  • fathers
  • FBI and Mateen
  • FDR and fear itself
  • fear and jealousy
  • fear of abandonment
  • fear of dying
  • fear of exposure
  • fear of failure
  • fear of flying
  • fear of intimacy
  • fear of rejection
  • fear of success
  • fear of suffocation
  • fear of transgendered
  • fearful of change
  • fears of intimacy
  • feed your head
  • feedback loops
  • feeding the kids
  • feeds
  • Feeling Good
  • feeling important
  • feelings about Aliyah
  • Fein and Schneider
  • Felicity Huffman
  • feminism
  • feminism and porn
  • feminists
  • Fenwick
  • Ferber parenting
  • Ferber sleep method
  • fetishistic disorder
  • fewer Americans getting married
  • Fiddler on the Roof
  • fidelity
  • fidget spinner
  • fifth step
  • fight or flight
  • fighting city hall
  • fighting depression
  • fighting in school
  • fighting obesity with cbt
  • fighting suicide
  • financial stress
  • Finding Dory
  • first dates
  • first steps to treating rape
  • first visit in therapy
  • fish heads
  • five grief stages
  • five types of intimacy
  • fixing things
  • Fizzies
  • fledgling ego
  • flies
  • Flight 9525
  • flight delays at American
  • flooding
  • Floortime
  • flotilla passengers
  • flu vaccine
  • fluoxetine (Prozac)
  • fluvoxamine maleate(Luvox)
  • foid IL
  • food
  • food packaging
  • food-aholic
  • football
  • For the Love of Islam
  • foreign students get into UIUC
  • forensic psychiatrist
  • forensic psychology
  • foreplay
  • Forever Young by Bob Dylan
  • Forgotten Citizens
  • Forrest Whaley
  • Fort Hood
  • Four Christmases
  • fragile egos
  • Francine Shapiro
  • Frank Loesser
  • Frank Sinatra
  • Franzen's Freedom
  • Freakonomics
  • Freaks and Geeks
  • Fred Knittle
  • Freedom Writers
  • freeze tag
  • frequent flyers
  • Freud
  • Fried Green Tomatoes
  • friends with benefits
  • friends with everyone
  • friendsgiving
  • friendship
  • friendship when you need it
  • Fritz Perls
  • Froma Walsh
  • frotteuristic
  • frum therapist
  • functional arguing
  • functioning alcoholic
  • funeral eulogies
  • funerals
  • funny girl
  • fur coats
  • future therapy docs
  • g
  • Gabrielle Gifford. Judy Clarke
  • Gaby Hoffman
  • GAD
  • Gale Berkowitz
  • gambling and loss
  • game addictions
  • gang-bangers
  • garage sale
  • garage sale culture
  • garage sales
  • Garrison Keillor supports Franken
  • Garth Brooks
  • Gary Fields
  • Gary Schultz
  • Gavin E Long
  • gay
  • gay and lesbian issues on television
  • gay bashing
  • gay marriage
  • Gay New York gender urban culture and ecosystem
  • Gay New York gender urban culture and the Making of the Gay Male World 1890-1940
  • gay pride is not a synonym for sexual molestation
  • Gaza
  • Geena Davis
  • gender conflict
  • gender identity
  • gender preferences
  • Gender roles
  • generalized anxiety disorder
  • genetics
  • genocide
  • genogram
  • genograms
  • Gentle Doc
  • George Burns green bananas
  • George Clooney
  • George Huguely
  • Georgianna Donadio
  • Georgio Armani
  • Germ Phobia
  • Gestalt
  • getting a literary agent
  • getting away from it all
  • getting drunk
  • getting older
  • getting over a death
  • getting published
  • Getting the Love
  • Getting the Marriage You Want
  • ghost bikes
  • ghosting
  • ghosts
  • Giacometti
  • gift giving
  • Gilad Shaer
  • Gilbert O'Sullivan
  • Gilmore Girls
  • Girl Interrupted
  • giving
  • giving away power
  • giving gifts
  • giving gifts that you are wearing
  • giving kids space
  • Glilovich
  • global warming
  • go ahead of me
  • Go Cubs
  • Go the "f" to sleep.
  • going home
  • gold and fools gold
  • gold-cross china
  • Golda Meir
  • golf
  • good breeding
  • good communication
  • good reads
  • good sportsmanship
  • good stress
  • Good Wife
  • goodbyes
  • Goodnight Moon
  • Google
  • google alert
  • google glass founder
  • Google Scholar
  • Googling yourself
  • Gordon Fairclough
  • gossip
  • gossip column
  • gourmand
  • Gov Mark Sanford
  • GQ
  • Graceland
  • grading parents
  • graduation speeches
  • graduations
  • Graham Spanier
  • Grand Prize Game
  • grandchildren relationships
  • grandfather
  • grandfish
  • grandparenting from out of town
  • gratuitous nudity on television
  • graveyard shift
  • gray divorce
  • GRE Kaplan vocabulary
  • Grease
  • great flight attendants
  • Greatest Love
  • green
  • green movement
  • green toys
  • Greensburg
  • greetings
  • Greg Behrendt Liz Tuccillo
  • Grief and caregiving associations
  • grief rituals
  • grief therapy
  • grief work
  • grieving
  • grieving animals
  • grieving cycle
  • grieving parent loss
  • grieving strategies
  • grieving when you're happy
  • Grieving widower
  • Griffen Kramer
  • grocery store
  • Groupon
  • growth
  • Guided body focus
  • guilt
  • guilt and blame in therapy
  • guilt for saying no
  • guilt over giving
  • gun control
  • guns
  • Guys and Dolls
  • Gwyneth Paltrow
  • Habayta habayta
  • habit
  • Hadar Buchris
  • haiti
  • Hallmark CBS
  • Hallmark holidays
  • halloween
  • Halloween candy and dentists
  • hallucinations
  • hamakom y'rachem enchem
  • Hamas
  • Hamas propaganda
  • handwriting
  • Hannuka
  • Hanukah
  • Hanukah story
  • happy
  • Happy families are alike
  • Hara Estroff Marano
  • Harold Goldmeier
  • harold ramis
  • Harris and Klebold
  • Harry Potter
  • Hartsburg Katy Trails
  • Harvey environmental causes
  • harvey weinstein
  • hate
  • hate groups in America
  • hate-crimes
  • hatha yoga
  • having the flu
  • hazing
  • He's Just Not That into You
  • head fakes
  • headspace
  • healing
  • Healing the Mother wound
  • health obsessing.
  • healthy and unhealthy narcissism
  • healthy boundaries
  • healthy eating
  • healthy sex
  • heart depression
  • heart transplants
  • Heath Ledger
  • Heather Heyer
  • hebraicized English
  • hebrew calendar versus gregorian
  • hedonic adaptation
  • Helen Kuentsler
  • helicopter parents
  • hell
  • Hello Dolly
  • help-seeking
  • Helping Couples Cope
  • helping people with schizophrenia
  • Henry David Thoreau
  • heroes
  • heroin
  • heroin drug overdose
  • Hersheys
  • heterosexism
  • Hey got any grapes
  • Hidden Heroes: One Woman's Story of Resistance and Rescue in the Soviet Union
  • Hide and Seek
  • high functioning autism and obsessive compulsive traits
  • high functioning autism conned
  • high functioning autism covary with schizophrenia
  • High Hopes
  • High Hopes Frank Sinatra
  • higher power
  • hiking
  • Hillary Jordan
  • Hillary Swank
  • Hines VA new wing
  • HIPAA
  • Hirshhorn
  • historic occasions
  • historic speeches
  • History of Arabs and Jews in Israel
  • histrionic personality disorder
  • Hitler
  • hitting bottom
  • hitting on someone else's spouse
  • HMO's
  • hoarders
  • hoarding
  • hoarding disorder
  • hogging the bed
  • holding therapy
  • holiday conflict
  • holiday grieving
  • holiday party behavior
  • holiday stress
  • Hollywood and the Holocaust
  • Holocaust books
  • Holocaust consequences
  • Holocaust movies
  • holocaust remembrance
  • holocaust studies
  • home invader dream
  • home screen as a reminder
  • home-invader dreams
  • Homegoing
  • Homeland Concert in Caesaria
  • homeostasis
  • homeostatic processes
  • homicide
  • homophobia
  • hoodia gordonii
  • Hoogestraat
  • Hooters
  • hope
  • hope and happiness
  • Hope Springs the movie
  • hostages in Gaza
  • hosting guests
  • hot car child neglect
  • hot chat
  • House
  • House of Cards
  • housekeeping
  • Houston Astros
  • hovering
  • How do you solve a problem like Maria
  • how healthy families communicate
  • How I Met Your Mother
  • how Jews cope
  • how long does it take to get over a break-up?
  • How to be a Grown Up
  • how to become a terrorist
  • how to change habits
  • how to choose a therapist
  • How to Get a Real Education
  • How to listen to a child who tells you about child abuse
  • how to make a bomb
  • how to mark the anniversary of a death
  • how to meditate
  • How to Outsmart Anger
  • How to Overcome Your Obsessions and Compulsions
  • how to pick a therapist
  • how to remember your dreams
  • How to Save a Life the Fray
  • how to talk to a widower
  • How Will I Know
  • Howard Hughes
  • HubSpot
  • Huffington Post
  • Hugh Lourie
  • human condition
  • humanity
  • humility
  • humming and counting
  • humor
  • humor in emotional situations
  • Hundred Dollar Baby
  • hung over
  • Hunger Games
  • hurting feeling
  • Husky screwdrivers Home Depot
  • hygiene
  • hyper-links
  • hyper-sexual teenagers
  • hyperthymia
  • hyperthymic
  • hyperthymic personality
  • hypnosis
  • hypomania
  • I Dreamed a Dream
  • I Have Never Forgotten You
  • I just called to say I love you
  • I May Be Crazy
  • I see you
  • I Want You
  • I Will Always Love You
  • I-Fen Lin
  • Ian Kerner
  • IANDS
  • ICD codes
  • ICD-10-CD
  • idealizing the dead
  • ideas of reference
  • identified patient
  • identity
  • Identity and purpose
  • identity differentiation
  • identity disorder
  • IDF
  • iinternet scams
  • Illinois Nut
  • illness
  • Imaginary Witness
  • IMDb
  • immigrating to Israel
  • impatience
  • Implicit Association Test (IAT)
  • implicit bias
  • imposter broken phone screen
  • Impostor Syndrome
  • improve self esteem
  • impulsivity
  • In Sickness As In Health
  • In Style
  • In Treatment
  • inappropriate google ads
  • inappropriate speech
  • incest
  • inclusion
  • increasing sexual intimacy in partner
  • independence
  • independence and aging
  • independent living
  • Indiana Jones
  • individual therapy
  • individuation
  • infant mental health
  • infidelity
  • Infinite Jest
  • informal or formal commitment
  • information on how to suicide
  • Information Overload is Nothing NEw
  • informed consent
  • informed consent for sex
  • Inglourious Basterd
  • initiation rites
  • Insanity in High School
  • insect phobia
  • insensitivity
  • insomnia
  • inspirational
  • instructions.identity formation
  • intellectual empathy
  • interactional sequences
  • interface
  • Intermittent Explosive
  • intermittent explosive disorder
  • internal homophobia
  • internalized homophobia
  • international social work
  • Internet addiction
  • internet addictions
  • Internet Asperger's Syndrome
  • internet gaming disorder
  • internet is dangerous
  • internet pornography
  • internet safety
  • interpreting in therapy
  • intervention for obesity
  • interviewing
  • intimacy
  • intimacy avoidance
  • intimacy regulation
  • intimacy speak
  • intimacy vs pseudo-intimacy
  • intimacy with children
  • intimate partner violence
  • Into the Woods
  • Intolerance Uncertainty #IU
  • introspection in therapy
  • invading space
  • Invisible Loyalties
  • Ira Glass
  • Irena Sendler
  • Iron Man
  • is blogging therapeutic
  • is health ocd
  • ISIS. Omar Mateen
  • Israel
  • Israel history
  • Israel-Gaza War
  • Israeli soldiers
  • Israelism
  • it works if you work it
  • it's a free country
  • It’s a Wonderful Life
  • Italian
  • Italian Concerto
  • Italian school of family therapy
  • itsy bitsy spider
  • Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy
  • Ivan Lopez diagnosis
  • J S Bach
  • Jack Odell
  • Jackie Mason schvartze
  • Jake Halpern
  • James Alex Fields Jr
  • James Campbell on David Forster Wallace
  • James Holmes
  • James Holmes and psychiatry
  • James Holmes the Batman killer
  • James J Lee
  • James Silver
  • Jan Shakowsky
  • Jared Lee Loughner
  • Jared Loughner
  • Jason Itzler
  • Jason McCabe Calacanis
  • Jason Segal in Shrinking
  • Jason Van Dyke
  • Jay Haley
  • jealous
  • Jedi
  • Jefferson Airplane
  • Jeffrey A. Trachtenberg
  • Jeffrey Tambor
  • Jeffrey Zaslow
  • Jena 6
  • Jennifer Hudson
  • Jennifer Melfi
  • Jennifer Weiner
  • Jenny Kepler
  • Jerry Sandusky
  • Jerry Sandusky sentencing
  • Jerry Sandusky verdict
  • Jerry Springer
  • Jesse Jackson Jr's Mood Disorder
  • Jesse Jackson SR
  • Jesse James
  • Jesse Klein The Dress Moth podcast
  • Jessica Lamb-Shapiro
  • Jessica Pare
  • Jesus
  • jet lag
  • Jewish
  • jewish books on depression
  • Jewish contributions to the world
  • Jewish expulsion from Arab lands
  • Jewish funerals
  • Jewish high holidays
  • Jewish holidays
  • Jewish jokes
  • Jewish logic
  • Jewish mother
  • Jewish mourning
  • Jewish mysticism
  • Jewish Refuseniks
  • Jewish services
  • Jewish souls
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  • October 7
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  • Old Mighty
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  • Olympics
  • On Any Given Sunday
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  • on my way to work
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  • Once
  • one more look at you
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  • online game addiction
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  • Oprah
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  • or Oxford
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  • Palestinian Israeli conflict
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  • pandemic shaming
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  • Panic Control Therapy
  • panic disorder
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  • Panic Focused psychodynamic Psychotherapy PFPP
  • panic over ICD-10
  • Pantene
  • Paper Clips
  • paradigm
  • paradoxes
  • parallel processing
  • Paramount
  • paranoia
  • paranoid
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  • Paranoid Personality Disorder.
  • paranoid schizophrenia
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  • parent depression
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  • Parenthood Season two
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  • parking tickets
  • parnoid schizophrenia
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  • partnered
  • passing notes
  • passion
  • passive
  • passivity vs aggressive vs assertive
  • Passover
  • Passover ends
  • Pat Hughes
  • Paterno
  • Paterno as an enabler
  • patience
  • patient codes
  • patient friend relationship
  • patient-doctor conflict
  • patients without insurance
  • Patricia Clarkson
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  • patriotism
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  • pave paradise
  • Pay it Forward
  • PayPal
  • PayPal blogger scam People Style Watch
  • PBS
  • peanut butter and jelly
  • peanut butter and marshmallow fluff
  • Pearl Bailey Jack Crowder (Thalmus Rasulala) Emily Yancy
  • Pediatrics
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  • peer rejection
  • Peggy Noonan
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  • penile enhancement
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  • Penn State child sex abuse scandal
  • people pleasing
  • People the song
  • perfect game
  • perfectionism
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  • performance anxiety cognitive therapy
  • performing
  • persistent complex bereavement disorder
  • personal shoppers
  • personality disorders
  • pet adoption
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  • Pete Docter
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  • PFLAG
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  • pharma
  • PhD dissertations
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  • Phobias
  • photos of empty places
  • physical abuse
  • physicians prescribing drugs for ADHD
  • piano lessons
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  • pickle ball if older
  • pictures of couples on the bus
  • pillow talk
  • pilots with depression
  • Pink
  • Pink singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow rolling stones
  • pirates
  • PLAG
  • plagiarism
  • Plainfield Illinois murder of Palestinian youth
  • plantation party
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  • play therapy
  • play-off game
  • playing hard to get
  • playoff fever
  • pleasantries
  • please don't leave me
  • PMS
  • poaching friends
  • Podcast 539 The Leap
  • Podcast 541
  • police reporting
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  • porn ruining sex
  • pornography
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  • posing
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  • post traumatic stress
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  • pot smoking
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  • powerless
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  • prayer as a coping strategy
  • pre-marital therapy
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  • predators
  • pregnancy and exercise
  • Prep
  • President Obama
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  • President Trump and Narcissism
  • preventing phobias
  • primary care physician
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  • Professor Henry Louis Gates
  • professor of psychology at UCLA
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  • programmed to react angrily
  • Project Runway
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  • propaganda lies by Hamas
  • Proposing Prosperity
  • proprietary knowledge
  • pros and cons of abortion
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  • psychopathy
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  • Public Broadcasting Service
  • Puffs
  • pulp journalism
  • Pulse nightclub
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  • pushing someone away
  • putting things up on a blog and taking them down
  • pyromaniac
  • Quabala
  • qualitative research
  • quarantine is crazy-making
  • Quentin Tarantino
  • questions to ask a suicidal person
  • Quiet: the Power of Introverts
  • Quill
  • quit smoking
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  • rabbi and anger jacket
  • Rabbi Azose
  • Rabbi Dovid Katz on Jewish history
  • Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
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  • rabbi stories
  • rabbis
  • Race-based epithets
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  • Rachel G. Fox
  • Rachel Getting Married
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  • racial domination
  • racism
  • racism in humor
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  • rage
  • ragers
  • raging
  • Rainbow connection
  • raleigh bicycle
  • rally pro-Israel
  • Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Ramadan
  • Randi Kreger
  • random in statistics
  • randy pausch
  • rape
  • rape education
  • rape myths
  • Rape Trauma Syndrome
  • rape victim advocate
  • rape victims
  • rapid homeostasis
  • Rapt
  • Raquel Welch
  • rational cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • rationalizing sexual predation
  • raw food
  • Ray Rice and DV
  • Ray William Johnson retiring as host
  • RCN over Comcast
  • re-traumatization
  • re-victimization
  • reacting
  • reading
  • readslikeaTedTalk
  • reality
  • reasons for drinking
  • reasons for sports addiction
  • reasons for suicide
  • reasons to have sex
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  • Rebecca Schaper
  • Rebecca Sedwick suicide
  • recklessness
  • reconcilable differences
  • recovering from illness
  • recovering from mistakes in therapy
  • recovery
  • recreational intimacy
  • recurrent nightmares
  • recycling
  • recycling at Best Buy
  • recycling plastic bags
  • reducing narcissism
  • referential
  • Reflective Function
  • reframe
  • regrets
  • Reid Wilson
  • reintegrating the offender
  • relabel
  • relationship conflict
  • relationship power
  • relationship satisfaction
  • relationship therapy
  • relationship tips
  • relationship-wise sexual assault prevention
  • relationship-wise workshops
  • relationships
  • relativism
  • relaxation techniques
  • release of information
  • religion
  • religious guilt
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  • remembering
  • reminiscing about younger days
  • Renee Zellweger
  • reparations
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  • Repentence
  • reporting child abuse
  • reporting crime
  • repressed fear
  • repressing emotion
  • research
  • research questions about journalistic writing that quotes research
  • resilience
  • resistance to listening
  • Respighi
  • responding
  • resurgence
  • retail therapy
  • retaliation
  • reticular formation
  • retirement
  • retirement centers
  • retiring
  • retiring from a job
  • retreat in mad men
  • reunions
  • reuptake inhibitors
  • revenge in relationships
  • Reverand Dr. Joseph Lowery
  • Reversing the Decay
  • review a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
  • revisionist history about Jews
  • Rhianna
  • Richard B. Woodward
  • Richard Blanco
  • Richard Farina I've Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me
  • Richard Gonzales
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  • Richmond gang rape
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  • riding a bike
  • right brain
  • right to die
  • Rio or Chicago
  • riots for civil rights
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  • ritual in religion
  • River Monsters
  • road rage
  • road rage.
  • Roanne Weisman
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  • Roger Goodell and the NFL sexual assault programs
  • roles
  • romance or sex
  • romantic
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  • Ron Cooper
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  • Roots
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  • Roy Moore
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  • rupture
  • Russell County High School
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  • San Bernardino shootings
  • Sandra Bullock
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Shoot me an email at therapydoc, at gmail.
The only way to do that and not make me paranoid is by email, and this only until the address below is corrupted by someone who claims to be a friend of mine relieved of her wallet and stranded in London, in need of 2K to tide her over until the mess is straightened out. Until that day comes to pass, give me a shout at

THERAPYDOC at GMAIL dot C0m

And be patient, it could take awhile to get an answer. If it feels you're waiting too long, as in, this is not fair, and begin to get a little irritated and dislike me, or assume the reverse, send me another poke.

Because the other guy goes first in therapy

Here are some blogs and sites to check out. I'm just starting to surf around again. Poke me if you have one, know about one.

Blogs with Mental Health/Illness Info

  • Greater Good In Brief
    What If You’re Not Ready to Forgive?
  • Theravive
    Warmth From Mothers In Early Childhood Can Have Lifelong Physical And Mental Health Benefits
  • Be More with Less
    Städdag, doom spending and why I don’t drink anymore
  • - National Elf Service
    Anticholinergics are associated with worse cognition: it’s time to take a serious look at our prescribing
  • Dr. Deb
    Reverted Rights Celebration!
  • blogging behavioral
    All In Your Head
  • GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog
    Worried About Your Child or Teen? 3 Things You Can Do Right Now
  • Kellevision
    Please Stop Saying You're an "Empath"
  • Blog - Private Practice Experts Kelly & Miranda
    Marketing for Therapists: 10 Ways to Grow Your Private Practice
  • Psych Central Blogs
    Turning Out the Lights on Mania: Dark Therapy
  • Private Practice from the Inside Out
    4 Ways Therapists Can Use Webinars to Grow Their Practices
  • The Psychology of Wellbeing
    Dear Readers, thank you and goodbye!
  • In Sickness As In Health: helping couples cope with illness
    Special Photos of a Couple Living with Cancer
  • Psychotherapy Brown Bag
    Guns and suicide - Starting a conversation as we all respond to the presidential election
  • Adult Children Of Alcoholics/ ACAs ACOAs ACODFs Blog
    How To Forgive
  • peeling back an onion
    We are moving!
  • Private Practice Blogs
    What's New?
  • OCPD - Scattered Thoughts from the Front Lines
    Mourning #RobinWilliams - But Not My Father
  • CounsellingResource.com Library
    The Heart & Soul of Change, Second Edition
  • Dr. Sanity
    FAREWELL
  • Ars Psychiatrica
    Moving Day
  • Psychology Degree
    Why a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology Just Won’t Cut It
  • Dryblog
    Gone Too Far
  • Rugby Jones to the Rescue!
  • Panic Disorder Advice from About.com
  • My Addiction Treatment Recovery Center
  • Adam Blum's Gay Therapy Blog

Blogs by Academics, MD's, OT's, Nurses, PT's, Etc.

  • HealthSkills Blog
    Beware the echo chamber: Attitudes to pain amongst health professionals
  • Dear Nurses
    PEDIATRIC FACTS
  • Doctor Grumpy in the House
    AUGHHHH!!!!! Cooties!
  • Digital Doorway
    Genius is Relative, Nurses!
  • Bully Bloggers
    Do TV Shows Elect Presidents? The West Wing and Game of Thrones
  • Reflections of a Grady Doctor
    Bias landmines.
  • The Angry Medic
    Without an End, There Can Be No Peace
  • Better Movement
    Does Your Workout Suck?
  • RN: Real Newbie, a nurse's blog
    Happy Nurses Week
  • other things amanzi
    thumbs up
  • pediatricOT
    Help For the Anxious Child
  • Emergiblog
    Grand Rounds is Up…at USATODAY!
  • Call bells make me nervous
    An Education (In Nursing)
  • Junkfood Science
    Prioritized lives
  • About Hamakom Physical Therapy

Blogs by artists, chefs, readers, musicians, and creative-types

  • Alex Ross: The Rest Is Noise
    Lahti
  • Balance, Etc
    Why I Quit Perfect
  • bibliophiliac
    Review: Pachinko
  • Booksie's Blog
    Dead Lions by Mick Herron
  • Doodlers Anonymous
    The Ultimate Gift Guide for the Doodle Artist
  • I also live on a farm | Just another WordPress.com weblog
    7 years ago this week
  • I CARE IF YOU LISTEN | Award-winning blog and digital magazine
  • Its Overflowing
    10 Free Slip Dress Pattern Beginners Can Sew
  • Jew Eat Yet?
    Twenty-Eight
  • Largehearted Boy
    Michele Filgate’s music playlist for her anthology What My Father and I Don’t Talk About
  • MAKING A MARK
    An Abundance of Botanical Art over the next few weeks
  • POCKET SHRINK
  • Random Thoughts- Do They Have Meaning?
    Still Good
  • Svetlana's Reads and Views
    Cheap Iphone 11 At&t
  • The Division Street Princess
    Daddy Wants a Bite of His American Dream
  • The Funny Farm
    Greek Yogurt: Easier Than You Think
  • Working Moms Against Guilt
    Easy Meals to Make on Your Family Vacation

Bloggers Who Write/Wrote With the Personal Touch

  • "Hold my hand" A social worker's blog
    Finding Inspiration
    10 years ago
  • anja merret
    Мастер по дверям и замкам
    7 months ago
  • Antisocial Social Worker
    Building a "You" oriented Self-Care Routine
    1 month ago
  • Balance, Etc
    Why I Quit Perfect
    8 years ago
  • Being In Therapy
    Called up to the Big Leagues
    17 years ago
  • BlogHer | Life Well Said
    Rashel Hariri Is Empowering Women to Become Seven-Figure Founders. Here’s How.
    2 weeks ago
  • Brass and Ivory: Life with Multiple Sclerosis and Rheumatoid Arthritis
    An Interview with Body Builder David Lyons
    7 years ago
  • Brick By Brick
    Spring Training, Part II
    11 years ago
  • Cheaper Than Therapy
    Comfortable
    6 years ago
  • Citizen of the Month
    The Twelfth Annual Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert
    7 years ago
  • coffeeyogurt
    more novel synchronicity and the history of british rule
    10 years ago
  • Coming Out of the Trees (excerpts from my therapy journal)
    (976) Good people all around – Part 3 of 3
    10 years ago
  • Cranky Fitness
    Live Longer, Stay Sharper: Now, With Substance Abuse! Er. Use. I mean Use.
    7 years ago
  • Dancing With Cancer: Living With Mets, A New Normal
    7 years ago
  • Diamond Cut Life
    Oh Lord, Won’t You Buy Me A New President?
    8 years ago
  • Discovering Recovering
    It really IS all about me!!
    15 years ago
  • Dream Builders Australia
    5 Signs You are Shifting into Your Best Self
    6 days ago
  • Dreaming Life
    The Militant Vegan
    10 years ago
  • Elizabeth B. Soutter
    Protected:
    4 years ago
  • Elms in the Yard
    Twenty thousand brothers
    10 years ago
  • EPMonthly.com
  • Fighting Monsters
    Final post
    10 years ago
  • Finding My Way: Journey of an Uppity Intellectual Activist Crip
    Sign of the Times?
    11 years ago
  • From The Couch
    Dreamwork for Healing Childhood Wounds
    15 years ago
  • Gamer Therapist
  • Here in HP
    Magical Elixir Healing Soup
    3 weeks ago
  • Holding My Breath...Weblog
    Kinda forgot this blog exists! Actually I’ve been
    11 years ago
  • Holly's Corner Blog
  • Home
  • Hope Forward: Surviving and Thriving through Emotional Pain
    Affair? (Self Worth, Desire, Feelings).
    7 years ago
  • I Accept ALL Major Religions; And, Most Minor Ones Too ...
    $640 Million or Lotto Fever
    13 years ago
  • I also live on a farm
    7 years ago this week
    1 week ago
  • iamthemilk
    Your Child’s New Obsession – From Inception to Garbage Bin
    7 years ago
  • I'm just F.I.N.E.-- Recovery in Al-Anon
    Merry Christmas
    8 years ago
  • In the Pink
    It’s Moving Day
    12 years ago
  • Jeanie in Paradise
    A Wedding and Three Funerals
    1 week ago
  • Kirtzono
    "Dad, I'm really ok with it."
    12 years ago
  • Kmareka.com
    Indigenous Women, Feminist Philanthropy and the Fight Against Water Privatization – Philanthropy Women
    6 years ago
  • Life in the Boomer Lane
    My Thoughts Don’t Even Cost A Penny
    2 months ago
  • Life in the Short Lane
    Getting Too Comfortable with the Ugly and the Work-at-Home Wardrobe
    14 years ago
  • Lisa's Yarns
    I've Moved!!
    6 months ago
  • Morning Cuppa
    Up early
    6 years ago
  • Musings of a grassroots social worker
    A GA Sunset
    13 years ago
  • Notes from an Aspiring Humanitarian (N.A.H.)
    New from Social Justice Origin Stories: “The Justice We Imagine”
    3 weeks ago
  • one brave duck
    we've moved!
    10 years ago
  • One Crafty Mother
    An Open Letter To Me, On The Day He Asked For A Divorce
    9 years ago
  • Sobriety is Exhausting
    Sunday Morning stuff
    11 years ago
  • Someone Was Seen . . .
    Liquor on the Grounds
    12 years ago
  • Tales of a Boundary Ninja
    Why can’t the past just be the past? Part II
    8 years ago
  • The Waiting
    Vote For Pedro
    8 years ago

Becoming a Professional Anything

  • baseballmusings.com
    Weekly Look at Offense
    8 hours ago
  • Social Work Careers
    Free Mental Health Webinars, June 2025
    23 hours ago
  • Penelope Trunk Careers
    The economics of escaping domestic violence: Why no one stopped Sean Combs
    1 week ago
  • Gretchen Rubin
    Highlights from the “Secrets of Adulthood” Book Tour
    1 week ago
  • MastersInCounseling.org
    Промокод без отыгрыша 2025
    1 week ago
  • Teaching & Learning in Social Work
    Call for Contributions: Help Us Expand the Community-Engaged Learning Toolkit
    4 weeks ago
  • The Progress-Focused Approach
    The need for competence: towards a more precise definition
    3 months ago
  • THE HUMAN DANCE
    MANTRA MAGIC
    5 years ago
  • Child Protection Lessons
    Intolerance as a risk for children
    8 years ago
  • Clinically Speaking
    Social Work Month
    12 years ago
  • Master Resources - Social Work
  • Online Master’s in Counseling Programs | 2U
  • Yogi Berra’s Mis-Quotes: Why They’re So Comically Endearing | Psychology Today
  • Sociology Degree Programs

Blogs with a Jewish worldview, G-d help them

  • Life in Israel
    Quote of the Day
  • Esser Agaroth (2¢)
    מי זה יאיר גולן יו״ר האופוזיציה? / Who Is Yair Golan, Leader of Israel's Opposition?
  • Daled Amos
    The Media's Post-Gaza-War Propaganda Campaign Against Israel Is Already Under Way
  • Therapy Soup
    Stressed? Try A Nature Pill
  • Israeli Satire Laboratory
    Israel Admits: We Protected Jewish Civilians; Vows to Correct Policy
  • Frumstepper
    The Winning, Power Team Is Mine!
  • Nad-ned Nad-ned
    Dog Days

A few book, movie, and TV reviews

  • Pull Versus Draw, Enmeshment: Invisible Loyalties
  • Multiple Personality Deception: Sybil Exposed
  • Rubberband: Men are From Mars, Women From Venus
  • Kids Say the Darndest Things
  • The Mamas and Papas Indeed: High on Arrival
  • Calvin and Hobbs and Reality
  • Internet Pornography Part II: Black Book
  • Water, Water, Everywhere
  • Rachel Getting Married
  • Ingrid Michaelson Vs Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
  • Who Are You Calling a Mama's Boy: The Mama's Boy Myth
  • The Heart Has Its Reasons: Against Happiness
  • One of the Books I'm Still Writing: The Deception Detector
  • Courage: Extraordinary Comebacks
  • Therapeutic: David Wallace Foster
  • The Five Ways We Grieve
  • Children's Books, Mannies and the Waiting Room
  • Reading Real Books: Division Street Princess, Three Fallen Women
  • Holding On and Letting Go: You're Wearing That?!
  • I Confess
  • How to Talk to a Widower
  • The Waiting Room

Posts on Diagnoses

  • ADHD
  • Bi-Polar
  • Borderline
  • Borderline Personality Disorder and Jealousy
  • Borderline Personality Disorder and the DSM
  • Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • Gone Postal
  • Illness and Expressed Emotion
  • Is It Spirits or Psychosis
  • Is Poker a Game or an addiction?
  • Less Severe BPD
  • Paranoia
  • Schizophrenia
  • Schizophrenia and the Double Bind
  • That Bagel and Cream Cheese--OCD

Posts on Relationships

  • Blood is Thicker Than Water?
  • Breaking Up
  • Dependency and Sabatage
  • Falling Asleep in Shul
  • I can hear you breath
  • Intimacy and Fear of Exposure
  • It's a We Thing
  • Listening Part I
  • Listening Part II
  • Marital therapy: Changing the Pattern
  • More on Spotting a Dishonest Date
  • On Homosexuality
  • Popularity
  • Pre-dating Questions
  • Process and Mr.Saturday Night
  • Sandwiched
  • Setting Boundaries
  • Speaking in Code
  • That Catastrophic Expectation: Cut-offs
  • The 51% Rule
  • The Casual Relationship and Code
  • The Collar on the Shirt
  • The Deception Detector
  • The Illusionist, Assertiveness, and Marital Magic
  • The Work Date
  • Think It, Don't Say It
  • Using Bad Health

Posts About Songs or People

  • Bruce Ivins
  • Enrico Caruso
  • Fray: How to Save a Life
  • Take Me As I Am: Ingrid Michaelson, Frank Sinatra, and Steve Harvey

About Affection and Friendship

  • Affection Speak: Responding
  • Attached
  • I Just Called to Say
  • Part I, About affection: Engaged versus disengaged families
  • Part II About affection: Teaching kids to talk back and negotiate
  • Part III About affection: Behavioral therapy
  • Season Closers and Friendship
  • The Perfect Friend
  • When I Fall in Love

Intimacy

  • About Deception, the Big One
  • Emotional intimacy and Space
  • Every Girl's Dream
  • Fear Intimacy? Then Conflict May Work for You
  • It's His Mothe
  • Me Hating Viagra
  • Recreational Intimacy, Play With Me?
  • Sexual Intimacy
  • The Five types of Intimacy
  • The Heart Has Its Reasons
  • Work Intimacy

Posts On Children and Parenting

  • Being Three
  • Calvin & Hobbes and Reality
  • Children's Books, Mannies, and Waiting Rooms
  • Controlling your world and everyone else in it
  • Empathy, Changing the Guy
  • Gimme, gimme, gimme and Behavior Modification
  • Internet Addicts/Bloggers
  • Internet and Otherwise
  • Internet Pornography Part One
  • Internet Pornography Part Two
  • Intimate Opportunities
  • Kids Say the Darndest Things
  • Play Therapy and Jack Odell
  • The Boy with the Funny Laugh(The Bully Story)
  • The reality of lying
  • This is Love?
  • Why It's Good to Enmesh Your Children

Addictions

  • Relion and the Science of Turning it Over
  • Heroin and Being a Man
  • Poker
  • Must be Transgenerational
  • Average guy and a tree
  • 28 Days
  • He drinks, She drinks
  • Pot
  • Relationships and Recovery
  • Internet Addicts
  • Danielle Baker
  • Summertime
  • What? Candy?
  • 7-year old Kentucky Smokers
  • My Two Scents
  • Heath Ledger
  • Murphy's
  • Asserting at the Bar
  • Same DNA, Different Day

More Titles in Those Archives

  • Separating, Self, and the Anti Enmeshment Variable
  • Setting Boundaries
  • The Five types of Intimacy
  • Holiday Post I Bananas and Video Games
  • Holiday Post II Thanksgiving, Loss and Remembering
  • The Jewish New Year
  • Yom Kippur
  • Seasonal Affective Disorder-I’m Sharing about SADS
  • It Feeds On Itself
  • Assertiveness: The Anti-Depression Drug
  • Depression Varies
  • Panic!
  • Because of You-Kelly Clarkson
  • Oprah, Child Abuse, and Secondary Trauma
  • Critical Events, Snapshot Memories, and the White Sox
  • Comisky Wound, More to the story on Critical Events and the White Sox
  • Teaching children to talk back and negotiate
  • Strong, confident, sexy, and Marie Claire
  • Getting it Early
  • Denial and the Predator
  • About Affection Part One: Being Engaged or Disengaged
  • About Affection Part Two: Teaching Kids to Talk Back
  • Anti-depressants, Suicide, and Teenagers
  • Kids, divorce, and self-blame
  • Bullies, guns and a T. D. Bedtime Story
  • Murders in Our Schools
  • Deception: When kids lie
  • Evil Step-Mother Part I
  • Evil Step-Mother Part II
  • Relationships and Recovery #1 S-O
  • Pot
  • He Drinks She Drinks
  • 28 Days: Rehab
  • An Average Guy and a Tree
  • Internet and Otherwise
  • It MUST Be Transgenerational
  • Is Poker a Game or a Gamble?
  • Heroin and Being a Man
  • Religious nut? The Science Behind Turning it Over Thing
  • Co-dependent, never say no, he needs me
  • Co-dependent still, second post
  • Exceptions and another example of co-dependenc
  • Co-dependent Still
  • Co-dependency: Heroin and Being a Man
  • What do Borat, Sexual Assault, and Informed Consent Have in Common?
  • Grandchildren, Gilmore, and Lexipro
  • My Cousin Vinnie and Conflict Resolution
  • Positive Thinking, Little Miss Sunshine, and Quicksand
  • A kid and suicide: Not exactly your Prairie Home Companion
  • The Illusionist: Magic and Mind-reading-One in the Same
  • Stress Eating and Bree Vandecamp
  • Murders in Our Schools
  • Sex Therapy, Boston Legal, and Aging
  • Mark Foley and Coercion
  • Getting Out of Abusive Relationships and Teri Hatcher
  • Scoring the Poster
  • My coping strategies including opera
  • It's a We Thing
  • Me Getting Personal
  • More on Control(Jewish)
  • Intimacy-Shmintimacy
  • Why I Relate to You and Self-Disclosure
  • Speaking in Code
  • Critical Events, Snapshot Memories, and the White Sox
  • Why Men Rape
  • Sex Therapy, Boston Legal, and Aging
  • Objectification of Women
  • Mark Foley and Coercion
  • Getting Out of Abusive Relationships and Teri Hatcher
  • Use Rape Victim Advocates, PLEASE
  • Jason Fortuny and How to Traumatize a Therapist
  • Why Jason Fortuny MIGHT have done what he did
  • Dom-subdom relationships
  • Bi-polar Disorder and Public Personalities
  • Blog Her
  • Jew Eat Yet
  • Harry Potter
  • Smooth Stone
  • Survivors Can Thrive
  • Treatment of Mental and Psychological Disorders
  • Wandering Jew

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