Thursday, July 03, 2025

The Kindness of Strangers

 War! What do we even do it for? Absolutely nothing—say it again.

That's Edwin Starr singing the original song WAR. He's railing against the war in Vietnam back in 1969. 

I wore a black arm band. 

Because genocide is a problem

The war in Gaza, the war with Iran, the war with Hezbollah in Lebanon—these are defensive wars despite what the media says about Israel's so called colonial, genocidal intentions.* 

Waiting around for a miracle isn't our style, people. 

There are reasons for wars, none less convincing than wishing to avoid genocide. Simchat Torah, October 7, 2023 Hamas warriors invade the homes of sleeping Israeli citizens from across the Gazan border. They murder innocents in their beds and over 2,000 celebrants at a nearby music festival. 

Our enemies relish attacking us on holidays. It is a thing. 

No small band of marauders, either. This is a rampage of cold-blooded murders, rape, sliced genitalia, body parts, decapitations, the crushed skulls of infants, all in a very short time. The young and the old are captive, still held hostage, starving, traumatized. The words BRING THEM HOME are on the mouths of the lips of every Israeli every single day, many times a day.

Yesterday I started to write about the hostages, the חטופים (cha-too-im) and couldn't. We had an event we needed to get to in Jerusalem and the trip included a trip to Bet Shemesh to pay respects to a friend who lost his wife. We had to get going.

Then something happened on the road, a testimony to the kindness of the people of Israel and I changed course.  

New words 

For some of you, new words: 

A new Israeli citizen is an oleh chadash (male) or an olah chadasha (female). 

FD and me as a couple? O-lim chad-shimעולים חדשים

2 stories.

1. An upper-middle-aged couple in a mall for the first time, new Israeli citizens. 

Maybe you've been there, stressed in a new or foreign country. You don't speak the language, not intelligibly, and you have a problem. Maybe it's a lost wallet or phone, a missing child or mother-in-law (joke!). You don't know what to do and ask a random stranger who shrugs because of the language barrier. 

That doesn't happen here. That doesn't happen in Israel. They don't shrug. They take a minute to try to understand, to help. Especially if you say you are a new immigrant, olah chadasha. Magic words.

The two of us are lost in an unfamiliar shopping mall, very green, exhausted having circled the mall several times in search of the right parking lot. Apparently there are several. We are hot, thirsty, and loaded down with packages. A new toaster. A coffee pot. New cut glasses (very nice). 

We ask people and they inevitably point us to the wrong lot. We can't find an information office. 

I break down in an elevator, so tired, almost in tears. I say aloud: Is there anyone here who speaks English who can help us find our car? There is and she does. She accompanies us to our vehicle.  Hugs and kisses.

Easy enough, but rental cars, driving on the hills of Israel, needing service for said car, this raises the ante. 

2. FD wants to take the scenic route from Bet Shemesh to Jerusalem. I'm driving the S-curves on the hills, a good sport but not enjoying myself. I do not like the car, a Picanto. A few years ago we had rented a Picanto with a bad transmission and on our way up north for a double Bat Mitzvah the car stalled near an Arab village about an hour before Shabbat. This, the second stall. It felt fatal, terrified my grandson in the backseat on the lookout for terrorists, but eventually the car started up and we made it to our destination, thanked the Old Mighty with feeling. We took a bus home from my nephew's little Israeli village and I still have a touch of PTSD when I think about that day.

And here we are again. In a Picanto and it stalls, again on a hill. The motor cuts out completely and it is not starting up. My heart is racing, cars are honking. FD lifts the emergency brake, I hit the flashers.  His 100-year old mother in the back seat remains where she is cool as a cucumber.  

He jumps out of the car, takes my place at the wheel, tries again. Nothing. He tells me to order a taxi, take it to a gas station, we aren't far from Jerusalem. Bring back a can of gasoline.  

But a car pulls over on the shoulder, a beautiful car. There is a beautiful person inside we will soon find this out. All I can think is that this is good.  Why would someone pull over if not to help?

I get out and rush over. He has lowered his beautiful windows. In Hebrew I say we are olim chadashim. We are new immigrants. And we are out of gas! 

FD figured that part out. 

Let me help you. 

I'm thinking FD should take over for me. Israeli men like to speak with men, not women. It is still a thing. I wave him over from his perch directing traffic and step back. 

They talk for a minute, I'm told to hop in. This fellow will take me to a gas station. We will bring back the petrol.

An angel, this guy. 

I tell Amnon (this is his name) multiple, multiple times, that he is a malach (mah-lach), an angel. He keeps waving this off. Any Israeli would do the same thing. 

No, only one Israeli did this. 

We argue over who pays for gas and Amnon ends up paying for it. He tells me that I am taking away his mitzvah if I pay,  taking away his good deed. And, he has an app, whatever that means. The gas is cheap. 

There is nothing I can do. 

On the rides to and from the gas station he asks many questions. Why now! Why would we come to Israel during a war? Israelis are leaving, he tells me. I explain that my daughter and her family took the first flight they could get, this a few months before the war, to fulfill their dream of becoming Israeli citizens. We followed the following year, as did one of her brothers, our son and his family, all of us unafraid of the war. All of us fulfilling our dreams. And now a second son is coming this summer with his wife and kids, 4 school age children. His wife visited Nova on a mission to Israel following the October 7 massacre and came back to say: We are moving to Israel.

Amnon is blown away. You come, replenish, refresh our nation. 

I tell him that the summer we arrived another 600 Jews from all over the world made Aliyah, too. 

He did not know this. Unbelievable, you have no idea, you give us so much hope, you cannot imagine. Jewish people are still coming here. Really?

Really.

Welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

He's thanking me!

therapydoc 

*Jews are forever complaining that Israel is butchered in the media, the reputation of my country has suffered, has always suffered, a complete public relations fiasco. The poor victims, the Palestinians, the world has their backs. This after Hamas takes their humanitarian aid, has stolen it for years to buy weapons. This after Hamas gets them into the war with a lion. Write, people. Talk. Reverse the PR. Many drops in a bucket fill up a bucket and it doesn't have to take long, either. 

Thursday, June 26, 2025

What a Ceasefire Really Means

What does a ceasefire mean to the average Israeli? 

For some it means not getting caught in the shower when missiles are headed their way. 

For me it means I meet a neighbor on the street, a kid that I had sheltered with regularly for 12 days, and we take a moment to talk for the first time, exchange words of hope, some of them in French! 

We both hope the ceasefire lasts forever. 

You know, right, that there's an 8-hour time difference between Chicago and Tel Aviv. Israel 8 hours ahead. But it does not get in the way of love, talking to the people we love with FaceTime or WhatsApp. It all works. Not as great as being physically together, but the next best thing.

My brother and sister-in-law (sister, really) talk and I feel their anxiety, the anxiety of the entire extended family back home.*

Sometimes they call and I'm working because of that time zone thing. I write:

With a patient, will call later.

When I call back I'm under the false assumption that we will be celebrating the ceasefire between Israel and Iran. But no, the reports in the US have successfully polluted my family's interpretation of events. There is pervasive worry that the American bombs did not 'do the job.' The explosion did not take out the uranium, is what I am hearing, appalled. Iranians can still develop their bombs, and worse, they may even have a few nuclear weapons stashed away somewhere in them thar' hills. 

Maxar photo, B2-bombers, 6 holes on the nuclear reactor site

Being a doctor, I am quick to respond. The problem is that you caught a virus, I say.

Iranian propaganda is virulent. What do you guess Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is telling his people? Is he going to tell them that the Americans obliterated their nuclear program? Is he going to say that Iran has effectively lost the war? 

Uh, no. That is not how dictators communicate. Honesty is not their strongpoint. What Khamenei tells his people goes something more like this:

We won! We brought the Israelis to their knees! They begged for a ceasefire. 

LOL. 

Adorable. 

This, as Israeli planes fly overhead in Iran, booming jets piercing their atmosphere. The IAF, the Israel Air Force, still proudly owns Iranian airspace ya' see. Although I hear they left with the ceasefire. So there's that. Victory for Iran, right?

IAF over Iran

The truth is that the mishigas (mish-ih-gahs, craziness, nonsense, Yiddish but also Hebrew) about how American bombs failed their mission is poppycock (come on, people, the USAF unleashed 30 tons of warheads made out of steel, aluminum, radar absorbent metal, tritonal, all kinds of alloys to make things go boom at  that nuclear site). The protest, the lie, is to save face, it is political. Tell the Iranian people that they won. that there is no substantial damage, no set back. Even if they don't believe it, the Americans surely will. 

I tell my family that it is all good, too, because Iran will not want to break the ceasefire, the lie in place. Breaking the ceasefire would mean that they did not win, that they have to keep fighting. But they won, so everyone in the Middle East can shower in peace now.  

They want you to be afraid, I tell D and T. 

In Israel the cultural spirit is courage, not fear. We respect fear but look it in the eye. This is a Zen idea too, honor your fear but be ready to pull out your light saber. 

Israelis have done and continue to do what our forefather Jacob (Yacov) did over 3000 years ago

Yacov is about to meet up with his brother Esau (Genesis 32:21). Esau a powerful, violent guy most likely intent upon revenge, wanting to kill his younger brother for having grabbed the birthright, finding the nearest camel, and hitting the sand dunes. 

Yacov is afforded lots of time to come up with a three-pronged plan for when he meets up with his brother again. When faced with annihilation, a powerful enemy:

(1) don't forget to placate him with gifts, first,  to soften him up. Everyone likes presents.

(2) but prepare for war

(3) and pray  

We pray, as should everyone, that the war is over, that no more lives are lost (7 Israeli soldiers, only yesterday in Gaza). So no, we are not celebrating, we mourn and we pray for the return of those still in captivity in Gaza, the hostages.


Our dear hostages, you are not forgotten, 22 Israeli, 1 Thai, 1 Nepali

7 gone in Gaza yesterday 

* home for a Jew is Israel, that is our tradition. But we all have second homes, right? Jews are all rich, aren't they? 

Namaste,

therapydoc



Tuesday, June 24, 2025

The Ceasefire



Where Iranian missiles are headed, not where they land necessarily


 I didn't even know about a ceasefire agreement when I woke up to an alarm, an ah-zah-kah, not an alarm that tells me to get up and seize the day. This one tells me a missile from Iran is on its way. At least one. Maybe a hundred.. 

 I slip on my terrycloth robe and crocs, knock on my mother-in-law's door, wave to FD who is staring into his phone, then head downstairs to the miklat

'The ceasefire doesn't start until 7, they are all saying.  

Oh! There is a ceasefire.

The Iranians are getting in their last licks. 

That makes sense. But then there are four more of these alarms, maybe more this morning, who can remember? It is a crazy morning. We have to wonder if we should simply set up shop down there until things cool off. What's the sense of running up and down the stairs? It is good exercise, yes, my muscles have never been stronger, thanks to this leader they have in Iran, whatever his name is. 

Between the sirens I go outside to get a little fresh air. A few of my neighbors are there, some vaping. One says to me, It will be okay. My neighbors see this new American with her pigeon Hebrew and assume that she must be afraid. There is some truth to this. I tell her: 

I heard that three people died this morning. 

I know, she says, patting my arm. We all grieve every time. It never gets better.

It's been an hour and forty minutes, however, so maybe this one will stick. Maybe there really is a ceasefire. Maybe the Iranians, when they shot off missiles at 7:05 for the last time today did not read their clocks correctly. Maybe this is really over.

Please the Old Mighty.

Hugs and kisses, 

therapydoc


Monday, June 23, 2025

Shelter Fatigue

The Rolling Stones song, Gimme Shelter, says it all, ironically

We just got out of the miklat, that bomb shelter I've been writing about, and our friend Josh mentioned he's tired of this. 

I said, You have shelter fatigue. It's a new term I'm using on my blog. 

Josh goes, Remember that The Rolling Stones song, Gimme Shelter from way back when?

I do. 

Shelter fatigue in and of itself is not new. But it is relatively new in Israel where our wars, and we have had many, tend to be over relatively quickly. Israel has been under attack before. This one is going on a little long.

In our day, Josh goes on, there were no big screens, no pyrotechnics.

Did you see Tommy? I ask. It feels like there might have been pyrotechnics but who can remember? 

On that terrible pun let us give honor to Mick Jagger. Because according to Josh and his wife who are here with us under shelter to tell the story, Mick performed in 100 degree heat in Israel without complaint. 


So. Maybe we are a bit tired of our miklatim, our mamadam, our shelters, maybe we even have shelter fatigue.  But there isn't an Israeli in the country who isn't glad to have one nearby. 


Because war, children, is just a shot away, as Congress told Donald Trump before he took it upon himself to do something about the one nobody wants to name.


To an end to all of them,


therapydoc 

Proud to be an American in Israel

 

The Western Wall, Jerusalem

As we age we find life full of ironies. FD and I often note the parallels between sheltering from Iranian missiles, and sheltering from bombs from the USSR. albeit these were drills. We live the precautionary tale of the fifties, hardly warmed over. 

In the US in the fifties elementary schools held them, these drills. Little kids scrunched under desks when the alarm sounded, hardly knowing  why. The two of us, 500 miles away from one another participated in these, thinking that worst case scenario, hiding under a desk isn't going to protect anyone.. 

That was the Cold War. We're in a hot one. Maybe it is over.

You wonder what to wear to go down to a bomb shelter. I open my tee-shirt drawer and spot it, the blue tee with white stars, the one that screams Fourth of July.  Perfect. Because today, for the first time in quite awhile, I’m proud to be an American. 


Proud to be an American

In Ulpan (arduous intense, dreaded Hebrew language classes intended to integrate new immigrants into the culture and language of the country) students are routinely asked on the first day, where they hail from. 

People from all over the world nod admiringly when we tell them, the United States

Side bar: The Hebrew words for the United States translate to States of the Covenant. I've always liked that. 

When we identify ourselves as Americans it is without grandiosity or pride. We are new here, like everyone else in the class, proud to be Israeli, lucky to have duo-citizenship. We are property owners in the USA, we pay taxes. It will always be a home of the free and the brave, if not the only home of freedom and bravery. 

Yesterday President Trump gave all Israeli-Americans a huge injection of Proud to be an American. 

We needed the shot. Our fears for the future of America have troubled us of late, an undercurrent stretching over the pond from the country of origin, from what patients tell me. 

Patriotism, however, is back, big time, as is gratitude for American intervention, primarily the president, our hero, President Donald Trump. He is on the right side of history, G-d bless him. 

Personally, this optimism, this positive vibe, is not me drinking the KoolAid, caught up in the wave of relief that comes with the reprieve of  nuclear war. What raises the serotonin is thinking the war will be over soon, even if another will begin in time. Jews, Israel, will always be under attack in one way or another, a fate that will not change without Divine intervention (make it happen Old Mighty!). 

Last night we were up at three, bleary-eyed in a miklat, a bomb shelter, despite President Trump's intervention. We hum or sing when we're down there, sometimes, albeit quietly. Our neighbors, some thirty others, can't hear with all the chatter and the whirring of the fans, the static of a transistor radio. Last night we were too tired to sing. 

This morning however, donning that tee-shirt with the silver stars on a blue background, I can't help but hum this song: 

 Proud to be an American.

God bless America, God bless Donald Trump. I'm ready for a peaceful 4th of July.

With love,  

therapydoc

Saturday, June 21, 2025

Donald Trump is a Hero-Iran-Israel War

He did it! We're all shouting this at the news. We wake up to a nuclear-free Iran. What a sound, that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szryzvau3IU


Of course there have been consequences. Iran will respond, we assume. Israelis are encouraged to stay home, shelter when ordered to shelter. 

Don't be a wise guy. 

My mother-in-law, in the shower, hears me knock on the bathroom door: We have to shelter, I shout. There's an alarm. 

I can't now, she yells. 

I leave her to her own devices and go, try to save her a seat. Someone takes it anyway. FD is off to morning prayers. There's a miklat where he is, I'm not worried about him.

The crowd in the miklat is standing room only but most of us have seats. Cookies are passed around, cups of water.  Someone plays a radio news station. It is 730 am.

A knock on the heavy door. A young man gets up to open it. My m-i-l joins us. The man next to me gives her his seat. We sit, waiting for the all clear sign. She brought her brush, brushes her wet hair. After a few minutes I lean over and shout in her ear, 

'Trump did it! Did you hear?'  

She couldn't have, this I know, she has yet to turn on her computer, hasn't even had her morning coffee.

She asks me to repeat this, not because she didn't hear me, but because she doesn't believe me. I repeat: Trump did it! with a big smile. She bursts into tears. The entire room is watching. They have been listening, heard the shout into her right ear, the only one that catches anything at all.

Someone offers her water, she takes the cup. She is 100 years old, a living testimony to Israel's iron will. 

We get the all clear, go upstairs, turn on the television. Missiles from Iran did some damage, several are injured, many buildings will need facelifts. 

Here's to a good week friends. Peace. 

therapydoc




The Lion and the Lamb Idea

 'We slept through,' FD mumbles. It is 515am. We're up. 

At first I think he means we slept through an alarm to shelter downstairs in our miklat (mick-laht) then realized that is impossible. There is no sleeping through an azakah (ah-zah-kah). We slept through only because there was no alarm last night. 

'And the Cubs won,' I mumble back. 

I checked the score after thanking the Old Mighty for returning me to life, the first thing a Jew does each day, Modeh ani (moe-deh-ah-ni). Other cultures might do this, too, but it has extra meaning for Jews, is my guess.  

Last night we watched some of the ballgame on television. What a feeling, mastering the technology of streaming from an iPad to a television. Two doctors figuring out what had previously evaded them. 

This is like getting the Wordle in two. You rise from feeling incompetent and a loser (Wordle in four to six) to brilliant. 

But I'm not feeling great, despite the Cub win, too much news about the war being far from over, too many soundbites about Iran's nuclear capability. 

Last November when patients in the US panicked after Donald Trump's election I prescribed a moratorium on the news. If it upsets you don't listen, don't engage. Don't read. I've followed my own advice for the greater part of this year and I live in Israel! News about fighting a war on multiple fronts has been highly disturbing, gut wrenching, sad. It is existential and surreal that our soldiers, children, are in danger. The Israel Defense Forces are us. They are our relatives, the children of nieces and nephews, grandchildren of cousins, children of friends. 

Now, as civilians we are in danger, too, and it is more and more clear the obscenity of war.  I think of October 11, how Hamas started it with their invasion from Gaza, decapitating, mutilating, raping women, stealing humans. This is so ugly, all of it.

So I take my own advice, only read the headlines. Reading headlines is like reading the title of a graphic comic book, the gravity doesn't sink in. 

זאב עם כלב ירבץ ונמר עם עגל ירבץ The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard lie down with the calf

To an end to the war, may there be no lives lost today or tomorrow or evermore from war. . 

therapydoc

The Kindness of Strangers

  War! What do we even do it for? Absolutely nothing —say it again. That's Edwin Starr singing the original song WAR. He's railing a...