There's Advertising, and There's . . .

I shouldn't be doing this. No time for this.

But a public service announcement is important. People need public service announcements.

And therapists have a mandate to warn.

Like if you tell me that you would really like to kill your sister I am mandated, by none other than the State of Illinois, to warn your sister. Yes, to give her a jingle, a poke, and say, "Watch your back. Your sister's intention is to kill you." Or tell the cops to do something of the sort.

Because anyone can get a gun, a sword or some other household weapon. You never know. It is why some of us ride with the principle that it is best not to make anyone angry. Do not ruffle. The less ruffling the better.

THE STORY:

I get up before FD and nudge him, announce that I will make the coffee and get started on lunches, which, if you must know, consist only of bagels with cream cheese, a large slice of tomato, small slices of cucumber, and green onion. You really don't need lox if you have green onion.  Oh, and a couple of chocolate chip cookies.

But while the java's dripping, a concoction of hot water, lemon juice, and honey will feel good.  This is a transgenerational tradition-- although my father often used fruit preserves which he jarred himself, instead of honey. As the water boils I mix a Metamucil aperitif. You get used to the taste.

At some point in this otherwise boring routine, the fatal attraction to email becomes overwhelming. I pop open something from a man representing a group of therapists. It is his second try. He would like to pay me to advertise his website on Everyone Needs Therapy. His website might be legitimate but his spelling is atrocious. And I doubt the veracity of the whole thing, frankly, suspect a scam. Not accusing anyone here, just worried is all.

Here's the pitch:

. . .could you please give us the best price for a small summery to add your . . . site for a period of Monthly . . . We will make payments Via PayPal so if interested, please mention your PayPal id.

Regards, ________

Regards to whom? And my PayPal id. Really? ID in lower case?

FD is getting dressed in the closet complaining that the size he wears in undershirts is always out of stock at Target. He is an average man, he tells me, and this is wrong. They shouldn't run out of the size that most men wear. That's what average means, you know.

Disregarding this, I tell him there's a new Internet scam, one that could hurt bloggers, my people.

FD goes on about the undershirt situation which he will do until he feels the empathy, the love, which I accomplish with further inquiry into the undershirt situation.

"You're an average-sized man, but you wear a Large?"

"Yes."

"Well this makes you a Large man, not an average man, as you say.

He cannot argue with this reasoning nor cares. But the same logic, in reverse, explains why I am a size 4.

"Do you think I need a shower?" I ask him. I'm not in the mood but it is a tradition, showering in the morning, and traditions are important. My hair has grown out of control and needs conditioner. Since I discovered that Suave (translate cheap) is a fantastic conditioner, doors have opened. This is confirmed, that doors will open for you, too, in People Style Watch. The shiny ad for Suave claims to be as good as a salon conditioner!

See. Now that's a product worth advertising on your sidebar. A conditioner for crazy hair. Or Metamucil. Another fine product.

FD does seem happy that I've decided to shower. After all, he fixed the furnace (they usually need thermocouples) and having heat in the house makes the idea much more attractive. I tell him about the blogger scam.

"Just your PayPal id?" he laughs. "Why not a copy of your birth certificate?"

Then one of us comes up with the idea, one that all of you might consider if you're tapped in this possible con.

You write back to Seth, or Paul, or John, or whoever it is who taps you, and you ask for his PayPal ID (capital I, capital D). Ask this person to please fill out the following form:

His
Name:
Birthday:
Address:
Cell:
City and Hospital of Birth:
SS#:
Driver's License #: (and a copy, with pic, natch)

and any other identifying information that you can forward to your cousin, who works for the FBI, not that he need worry.

I'm calling PayPal.

Regards,

therapydoc