Although I'm not staunchly democratic, as a social worker I generally lean to the left. So don’t think this is a Pro Life post. It’s not.
This is only about mental health. That's what I write about, mental health and how to keep it, if that's possible.
On the one hand, pregnancy is a pathological physiological condition, as is giving birth. Being pregnant is a risky condition for a woman, and being inside a pregnant woman for nine months can be risky to the fetus.
And there are financial and psychological burdens to parenthood, once the baby is out. Mothers undoubtedly lose opportunities afforded to childless females in the work force.
And being poor undoubtedly has potential to negatively affect both a woman’s physical and mental health, not to mention the infant's nutrition.
Then there’s the other hand.
On the other hand, let's say a young woman goes to an abortion clinic. She will be subjected to many things that will determine whether or not she has a good or bad experience aborting that baby: family support, financial resources, the way she is treated at the clinic, the pre-abortion counseling, where the father of the fetus is holding, her previous mental health history, how well she does post-op.
These are only a few of the things that can affect her immediate and future adjustment to that key decision. Again, this isn't about the decision.
A woman might be able to load the deck in her favor if she has social support, aftercare, a solid philosophical world view about abortion, as in it is a woman’s right to make decisions about her body, etc.
But her accommodation to her decision in the future is a still a question mark. It is impossible to know, at the time of the decision, how she or the father will feel about their decision years later.
I’m not exaggerating when I say I have seen dozens of women who still regret their abortion(s) many years later, who grieve that it had to happen and that it had to happen to them, in particular. And I’ve seen many men who report the same grief and remorse, tearfully. Men cry, too. This is one of the things that they cry about.
I’m not saying "Don’t do it" or "Do do it." I’m just saying that if you do, be prepared for the possibility, and I have no idea how remote, of backlash.
Depending upon what kind of person you are, grieving the loss may be considerable. It's never too late to work it out in therapy, so I'm pushing that on this post. Get therapy at any time with any professional, and get it early, and maybe often if you need it. Community mental health centers are generally free, still. Thank your sixties parents.
Having held the hands of so many (figuratively speaking, T.D. rarely ever touches her clients in any physical way) I have to wonder: What is it that they do say in the pre-abortion counseling? Will someone tell me, please?
If getting a therapist isn't possible, talk with trusted friends and family. Talk, talk, talk. Try to prepare yourself in case the other shoe drops.
There’s no way of knowing, is there?
A caveat to this piece is:
IF you’re in therapy for some other reason, perhaps years down the line, if you’ve had an abortion, don’t forget to mention it. Mention it somewhere along the line in treatment. Not every therapist will think to ask about it, seriously, although they should.
If you’re a therapist, ‘nuf said.
Is this a hot topic?
It shouldn’t be, but it is. As a source of potential post-traumatic stress, this doc thinks abortions are worth talking about, thinking about, and rethinking and rethinking. That type of cognitive exercise can't hurt.
Again, I'm just unloading about something that's bothered me for years. There's probably no easy way to have an abortion, no matter what they're telling you at the clinic. But talk it over in any case.
There. I've said it.
Copyright 2006, TherapyDoc
This is only about mental health. That's what I write about, mental health and how to keep it, if that's possible.
On the one hand, pregnancy is a pathological physiological condition, as is giving birth. Being pregnant is a risky condition for a woman, and being inside a pregnant woman for nine months can be risky to the fetus.
And there are financial and psychological burdens to parenthood, once the baby is out. Mothers undoubtedly lose opportunities afforded to childless females in the work force.
And being poor undoubtedly has potential to negatively affect both a woman’s physical and mental health, not to mention the infant's nutrition.
Then there’s the other hand.
On the other hand, let's say a young woman goes to an abortion clinic. She will be subjected to many things that will determine whether or not she has a good or bad experience aborting that baby: family support, financial resources, the way she is treated at the clinic, the pre-abortion counseling, where the father of the fetus is holding, her previous mental health history, how well she does post-op.
These are only a few of the things that can affect her immediate and future adjustment to that key decision. Again, this isn't about the decision.
A woman might be able to load the deck in her favor if she has social support, aftercare, a solid philosophical world view about abortion, as in it is a woman’s right to make decisions about her body, etc.
But her accommodation to her decision in the future is a still a question mark. It is impossible to know, at the time of the decision, how she or the father will feel about their decision years later.
I’m not exaggerating when I say I have seen dozens of women who still regret their abortion(s) many years later, who grieve that it had to happen and that it had to happen to them, in particular. And I’ve seen many men who report the same grief and remorse, tearfully. Men cry, too. This is one of the things that they cry about.
I’m not saying "Don’t do it" or "Do do it." I’m just saying that if you do, be prepared for the possibility, and I have no idea how remote, of backlash.
Depending upon what kind of person you are, grieving the loss may be considerable. It's never too late to work it out in therapy, so I'm pushing that on this post. Get therapy at any time with any professional, and get it early, and maybe often if you need it. Community mental health centers are generally free, still. Thank your sixties parents.
Having held the hands of so many (figuratively speaking, T.D. rarely ever touches her clients in any physical way) I have to wonder: What is it that they do say in the pre-abortion counseling? Will someone tell me, please?
If getting a therapist isn't possible, talk with trusted friends and family. Talk, talk, talk. Try to prepare yourself in case the other shoe drops.
There’s no way of knowing, is there?
A caveat to this piece is:
IF you’re in therapy for some other reason, perhaps years down the line, if you’ve had an abortion, don’t forget to mention it. Mention it somewhere along the line in treatment. Not every therapist will think to ask about it, seriously, although they should.
If you’re a therapist, ‘nuf said.
Is this a hot topic?
It shouldn’t be, but it is. As a source of potential post-traumatic stress, this doc thinks abortions are worth talking about, thinking about, and rethinking and rethinking. That type of cognitive exercise can't hurt.
Again, I'm just unloading about something that's bothered me for years. There's probably no easy way to have an abortion, no matter what they're telling you at the clinic. But talk it over in any case.
There. I've said it.
Copyright 2006, TherapyDoc
Comments
You don't take away the umbrella until it stops raining.
I almost didn't post on abortion because I didn't want to leave anyone out in the rain.
If you're not thinking about things like this, believe me, they can wait.
It's when thoughts can't wait, when they bother you too much, when they're tipping you into too much negativity that it's time to talk to someone.
It's a subject of much debate, and the debate is hotting up of late with the apparent change in policies of several countries. I am a pro-lifer who has no religious convictions at all . I didn't need the fear of god or anything else to come to my decision, just a good sense of what is right and wrong.
You see we were all once a fetus. Is it beyond the realm of possibilities that when your mother first learned she was carrying you, she may have considered her options? What if she had decided to terminate? Would that have been OK?
You would not exist, if you have children they would not exist, and your (husband or wife) would be married to someone else. You would have been deprived of all your experiences and memories. In this day and age with terminations being so readily available and so many being carried out (can be harder to organise to have a tooth pulled in australia) if you make it to full term
you can consider yourself lucky. Lucky you had a mother that made the choice of life for you.Don't you think they all deserve the same basic human right, LIFE?
I'm all for contraception, prevention is certainly better than termination.
Did you know you can get an implant that lasts for three years? Just think girls not even a show for three years, wouldn't that be great? I think too many people rely too heavily on the last option (abortion), I think if abortions weren't so readily available people would manage their reproductive system far better resulting in a fraction of the number of unwanted pregnancies.
RU-486- Many people describe this as a contraceptive, it is not, it is a termination drug, it doesn't prevent a pregnancy, it is a lethal cocktail for the unsuspecting fetus. In my opinion RU486 might be acceptable if administered within a day or two of conception when all you would have is the basic ingredients of human life. After that it's just wrong. It's a human life.
I am convinced that in the not to distant future,people will look back at many of the practices of today with disbelief and horror.
ausblog
I'm saying that one should be aware, going into this decision that yes, it is likely to hurt
1) not only pre-op (emotional) and 2)post-op (physical)
but also 3) many years later (emotional).
I have heard from many women that they were not told how difficult the physcial recovery would be from the procedure.
http://abortionclinicdays.blogs.com/
More pro-choice and pro-life people should read it.
Thats why I had the abortion-that was 23 years ago-no after effects-best move 4 that time of my life-no big worries or stress about it-I was very unwell and would have aborted myself if the state didnt help me get one-Iam in therphy-we talked about the abortion-for around 10 minutes-I did a lot of talking before it-that helped-
I had a very good counselor when I was there who wanted to make really, really sure I was sure about it, and I believe my friend when she tells me that a lot of the time she has to tell a woman that she shouldn't get one because she can tell the woman would regret it too much later.
I don't like propaganda from the religious right that says abortion clinics push women into having them when they're not ready. That certainly was not my experience, and is certainly NOT part of my friends' job. Her job is to help a woman through a difficult decision, no matter which decision she makes.
And yes, I can imagine someone regretting it later, even if she was sure at the time that she did it, but what can anyone do about that?
I don't really regret my abortion. Only that I was stupid enough to get pregnant in the first place. After that, I think I chose the least-bad option I had at the time.
I think your advice to women in therapy, to talk about the abortion at some point, is the best advice. I think it really has less to do with where one stands on the issue, than how the issue effected the individuals involved.
Anyone who's had an abortion knows only too well dealing with it at a social level just complicates matters. Whenever I hear the arguments, I am unavoidably returned to my own reality, whether i wanted to go or not.
I also think you are correct about the post traumtic elements. In my case, a repetition of pattern of earlier but unconscious post traumtic stress and probably a factor in subsequent incidences as well.
I have to presume that is one of the reasons you advise disclosure, whether one thinks it's a non-issue or not, whether it appears to have been dealt with it or not.
So far, I haven't told my therapist. And there are other things we haven't gotten around to. But I have a running mental list and abortion always makes an appearance there. It's really not a small thing, is it? It can touch so many important places within and without. Grief, shame, worth, etc., in some cases, the shape of your life, for it inevitably looks different adding or subtracting abortion from the story.
I had an abortion many years ago at 22. My mother was bi-polar,her brother suffered severely from OCD,my paternal grandmother had been institutionalized off and on for years with schizophrenia. I had decided early that I wasn't going to have children. (God laughed-I was parent to Mom and Uncle for years.)
The counselors were great. I was sent home with options to consider, and consider I did. Adoption seemed like a possibility in the abstract-a child might have a good chance at making it if brought up in a "normal" family. Reason set in though, and I knew I wasn't strong enough to stand up to a family that would never let their blood be brought up by strangers. I was just as certain I couldn't let that happen.
The day of the abortion, I was given kindness and opt outs, too. Oddly, I can still remember the doctor giving me a hug and telling me I was brave. This was in a clinic, never saw him again, but it was exactly right at that time.
Since then, it really has never bothered me. It's part of my deepest soul, and choices I've made since were effected by it.I made a promise to God that I would never allow this to happen again-to use the good sense I was given,and I've kept that promise.
I'm thinking that a lot of women are like me-they did what they had to do and went on. My heart hurts for those for whom the decision wasn't as clear-cut and easy. Their experiences are just as valid. This world makes it almost impossible to admit that you've had an abortion-you never know in advance what the reaction might be, and the consequences of choosing the wrong confidant are high.
Now dealing with infertility, I'm still pro-choice. I have a second marriage (healthy relationship) and have seen women desperate for a child have an abortion because it would kill her or would prevent the baby/babies from suffering.
It is a very personal decision that should be left to the woman and her doctor. Having therapy before and after is probably a good idea. If you're in a decision to think about having an abortion, chances are you have other things going on in your life that probably need to be looked at.
I was 24, had two toddlers, was in a nightmare of a marriage to an abusive alcoholic and I was so depressed I was practically catatonic. When I found myself pregnant again, even though I had always personally been opposed to abortion, I did not believe I could survive having another child in the circumstances I was in.
That baby would have been 32 this August. I never will forget that lost child and feel terrible guilt that it was the baby or me and I chose me.
The experience itself was horrible as well. It was so clearly a commercial venture, organized with military precision, women in groups of ten at a time counseled, prepped, aborted and woken in the recovery room. No one warned us that everyone would wake up weeping. I don’t know if it was the particular drug they used to put us out, if it was relief, grief, the power of suggestion from being surrounded by crying or a combination of all of these. But the sound of all that sadness was brutal.
The ‘counseling’ they offered us, which I assumed would deal with emotional issues, was merely a review of birth control methods, theoretically to prevent the need for another abortion. But two of the girls in the group proudly announced they were having their fifth and sixth abortions respectively. They giggled and fidgeted through the presentation while I tried not to stare at them and tried not to cry.
NO ONE knows. Only my husband and a friend who baby sat for me while I had it done. My husband is dead now and I haven’t seen the friend in over 25 years. I have never told my present therapist. I want to say it has never come up, but the truth is I am ashamed and I don’t want her to think badly of me. I know she wouldn’t be judgmental, I know she would be sympathetic and supportive, but I think she would also be surprised. Maybe its time to tell her.
Thank you for your sensitive observations on an important subject.
You told me. Guess that's a start, right?
Your blog is great, I hope you enjoy your sabbatical and come back with your wit and wisdom refreshed. :)