Sunday, May 09, 2010

What Cards Never Say: Mothers Day 2010

There's a teary story to this perfect game.
Dallas Braden's mom passed away when he was a senior in high school. That's her mother, his grandmother, hugging him after he pitched his perfect game.

I thought, who wants to blog on Mothers Day?

Last year's should suffice. Or the ones from years before, maybe. Not everyone likes this holiday because not everyone has a mom, and many people have more than mixed feelings about theirs. I'm crazy about mine, lucky in this way.

Yesterday she said to me:
You know. I tried to access my email like you showed me and I couldn't. But I did find the family blogs and I read your daughter's and it was really funny.
My daughter's blog hasn't been touched in six months. But Mom didn't care. She read the old posts and had a blast doing that. This tells us that if you're blogging, you probably should keep at it. But be careful about your identity, okay? And as long as I'm handing out unsolicited advice, even if you're anonymous, it's not really necessary to be offensive. Okay, I'll stop.

This morning I woke up to a Facebook message, a Happy Mother's Day from one of my d-i-laws. And THREE cards in the mail. Slow mail is really fun, you know? But that's it. It's over. So I'll blog. Not everybody's having fun, is the truth.

Saturday I flipped through the week's Wall Street Journals to see why one of my patients almost had a heart attack. As a broker he manages OPM (other people's money). The investments of most of his clients flew through the window within 3 minutes as the market dropped 1000 points. Brokers across America had a bad heart day. Why did it happen? We don't know.

This is disheartening, confusion about investments.

Families are investments, too, so I kept reading and found a piece about these by a Mommy blogger, one that I had missed while blogging and cruising the Internet for four years. She's WholeMama and writes for WSJ! So I visited her blog, of course.

The tagline in the header:
Before I got married I had six theories about raising children. Now I have six children and no theories.
You have to love that.

Anyway, I'm going to quote WholeMama, not to be confused with DaMama, Motherhood is Not for Wimps.

Amy Henry, WholeMama, writes this for WSJ
Mother. . .

Giver of life. Homework helper. Life saver. Hem adjuster. Maker of peanut butter sandwiches. All true, all real, all important. Even so, I was surprised-- and even fearful-- when my 16-year-old. . .
She goes on to tell us, basically, that her kid told her she wanted to be a stay at home mom, a SAM.

Ms. Henry mentions that SAMS get no respect. Networking, maybe at the playground, so enviable to someone like me, Amy hears:
One mother admits she's considered pretending to be her daughter's nanny in hope this would earn her some respect.

Another remembers telling people that she has five children, only to hear a woman respond, "Oh, horror!"
I missed this feeling of horror. I never felt it was a horror. Not even once. For sure, not once. Fear, maybe, when one was missing in action after school, but never horror or regret.

Every day is Mother's Day, my friends, whether or not she was good or bad. She's in your head, your psyche. Try it. Get her out. You can't. EMDR can't do it. No amount of hypnosis.

So if you had one, and she was marvelous, consider yourself so, so lucky. And if you didn't have one, try to be one to others, a good one, for so many need these, good mom-figures in their lives, mentors, people who care.

And if you're working outside the home, don't look back, because yes, you are a role-model, someone your daughter is proud of, someone who has probably saved the family home from foreclosure more than once. And if you couldn't, it didn't make you a bad mom, or a bad anything. You know that.

And if you're a SAM, a stay at home mom, then reflect upon what author and theologian G. K. Chesterton wondered in 1929, when he predicted the disrespect (thank you Ms. Henry, for reminding us what the little people are thinking when they blather on jealously about the mindlessness of parenting). He asked how society ever got the idea
that bringing forth and rearing and ruling the living beings of the future is a servile task suited to a silly person.
Happy Mothers Day.

The grandmother of my children has a bunch of these.

Can't give 'em away. Direct from the basement, original boxes. Actually did sell one on Amazon.

Here are more Mommie blogs, thanks to Radical Parenting (check her out-- I just found her). If I forgot you, please poke me. It's been a tough year.


My Mommy's Place

Busy Mom
The Mommy Blog

Mother Thoughts
City Mama
Mama Bird
Mommy Blog
Parenting Blog
Mom Logic
Author Mom with Dogs
A Mother in Israel
Holly's Corner

Mother-Wise Cracks

Pinay Mommie
Project Subrosa


TechnoBabe said...

Thanks for the recommendation of the blog. I will check it out soon. I hope you have a wonderful Mothers Day today.

SustainableFamilies said...

To your post last year, I definitely have two mothers. One raised me, one gave birth to me and loved me all the 18 years she didn't get to know me. They are both real. Both equal.

My daughter that I placed for adoption has two mothers also, who are both committed to love her in every way for the rest of her life.

HAppy mothers day. : )

Isle Dance said...

Love this. And for some reason, I thought of you today, when I wrote my post. Life is funny like that.

Anonymous said...

Happy Mother's Day, one day late! This Momma's Girl misses her mother, my second holiday without her. Did we always get along? Heck no, but eventually forgiveness paved the way. After mother died my dad grieved her so much, he never realized what a "Jewel" he had until she was gone. So I say, regardless of your current standing, appreciate them while they are here cause...

Cara said...

Big falling out with my own momma, which provoked huge identity crisis at age 43 (had to happen some time!)
Psychoanalysis four times a week helps. Must keep going, and try to have less-crazy children if possible, that being said, I support the therapy industry by continuing the mishigoss, n'est-ce pas? That's my (attempted) positive take. Take it or leave it...

Mark said...

Thanks for sharing your fine. Very good. I hope that you enjoyed your Mothers Day and that the celebration of our Moms extends to every day of the year.

Syd said...

Nice post. I think that mother's have an amazing job. We guys have the easy part.

abroadermark said...

You know what I think? I think you ought to have one of those recent comment thingys in your side bar. That way your readers will know when someone comments on an old post, and will have the opportunity to read it and maybe even comment on the comment if they'd like. So there. You said to go on and tell you, and I did. Now you say something. :)

therapydoc said...

Broad, I'll try. But I still use the old Blogger format and don't know if I can. Switching over, last I tried, means copying over every single thing on the side bar. Would you?

Maybe someone can help me here?

therapydoc said...

I could tweet it, I guess, if I publish an older comment!

abroadermark said...

I used this recent comment widget before I switched to the new Blogger format. It's easy to install. Maybe it would work for you.

therapydoc said...

I'll try it.

Dr. Deb said...

Great post and some nice new links for me to visit!

Jew Wishes said...

What a wonderful post, TD! Inspiring.

I am a mother and grandmother, and proudly so. I echo your words: "I missed this feeling of horror. I never felt it was a horror. Not even once. For sure, not once. Fear, maybe, when one was missing in action after school, but never horror or regret."

Never, not for one minute did I feel it was horror. I felt honored, privileged and blessed to be the mother of my children, and still do feel that way.

Happy belated Mother's Day wishes. Happy everyday Mother's Day to you.

Thank you for all of the "mommy" links.


Kelly said...

Lovely post. I have one of the great moms, and I always feel lucky about it. Thank you for the recent nudge, and happy every-day-is-mother's-day. Bet you are a great one too.