Road Rage

 

Evanston bike lane barriers to protect bicyclists

That's a pic of barriers put up by the City of Evanston Illinois to protect bicyclists. It made me so happy that the safety of others is truly a municipal priority. 

What also made me happy, and you're going to laugh, too, is a story. 

I'm driving my big (it is big) white SUV and come to a neighborhood stop sign. I'm not paying the best attention to exactly where I am, this is a wide street. But is it parked up. 

There's a driver to my left, I have the right of way, and he is waving angrily, frantically, to indicate that I should not be in the center of the street. I should be on the right side of the street. 

Now, as a younger person I might have waved my hand (you know that gesture) to tell him to take it where the sun don't shine. Or I might have lowered my window to tell him to get therapy. But at my age what's working better is seeing him as hilarious, laugh out loud hilarious. So upset over having to make his turn and not hit me? Really? He could have just let me go first, I did have the right of way. 

I'm only telling it over to tell you that if you look at people who are angry at you as ridiculous, and overly judgmental, it frees you up. Sure we have to be responsible and considerate, but is it necessary for the other person's blood pressure to go up if we aren't?

Safe driving, friends. 

therapydoc 

When Things Fall Apart

Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

 

I love it when a patient recommends a book and I read it and learn something right away. This is one of those books.

We've all been there. Stuck in the rain. No umbrella. 

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Its like a warm towel.

There is so much in this book I don't know where to begin, but here's a story.  I'm going to be telling it over a lot.

A teacher (I think Yoda) tells her student, a young warrior (think Princess Leah), that she must do battle with her fear. 

The student does not like the idea and protests but the teacher insists. 

The day arrives and the two are at opposite ends of a space. The warrior is feeling very small, Fear looks big, scary. The warrior approaches, bows, then asks with respect: May I have the honor of doing battle with you?

Fear thanks her for having the respect to ask. 

The warrior asks what she needs to do to defeat Fear and Fear divulges her secrets. 

My weapon is that I talk a lot and I get in your face. I wear you down and then you do what I say. Do not do what I say. 

That is how to defeat me. 

I nearly fell off my chair, seriously. Just don't do what your fear tells you to do. 

therapydoc

Another Excerpt From Condo the Novel

 I don't know if this happens to other writers, I don't know too many people who write and talk about it, but when I write something that makes me smile, something with a message, I want to share it. 

I always hope it doesn't contain anything that might be offensive, and when it is about weight, when the subject is about kilograms or ounces, pounds, there is always that potential, a possibility of offending either the listener or in this case, the reader. 

Weight is so packed, such a trigger, that I try to avoid it altogether, if at all possible, am content to look inside people, that's where the good stuff is anyway, no matter what a person looks like on the outside. 

Which is why it surprised me, the following excerpt, because it is about a larger person. Maybe it is easier to write about it if it is fiction. It isn't about anybody you or I know.

Let's have a look. Let me know if you find anything offensive here. 

At a stocky five foot five, one-hundred seventy pounds, Susan is a presence. Her light brown hair is completely blond with golden-brown streaks, the opposite it had been only six months ago. Her hairdresser is clearly top drawer—I hardly noticed the change. But today I do, for some reason. It could be that she has a glow, that glow of being in love, engaged to be married. To me she looks fantastic but it is pretty clear that she has not lost all the weight she needs to lose to fit into her wedding gown. She will still be a lovely bride. She is beautiful and positively glowing, like I said.

I thought it was to be a May wedding but her father The Alderman wants to move it up to beat what he’s sure will be a complete community lockdown. Her weight doesn’t matter to Richard, she confided that to me months ago, all of us outside watching the paramedics shuttle Tsippi Wall to an ambulance. Richard Geery, the famous photographer, Susan’s fiancé has a sister who oddly enough is built and looks very much like Susan— down to their preferred nail polish colors, either blood red or navy blue. I met Richard’s sister at a council meeting last fall, she’s on the Board of Marmouth Castle I, the condo two doors down, and it is true, Susan, Richard’s intended, bears an uncanny resemblance to his sister Maria. Isn’t it interesting how family body types can serve as a kind of comfort zone? Perhaps it is because we are drawn to people who remind us unconsciously of people we love. 

That's it,

therapydoc

When Numbing Isn't a Good Thing

 I'm on the floor reading to my grandson out of a Hebrew picture book. He's looking at the pictures and identifying what he sees. 

Oven, vacuum cleaner, broom, cat, frypan, spatula. 

He's telling me what is in the picture in English. At two years old they add words exponentially, every day is a learning experience and it isn't tiring, it isn't boring. It is exciting, easy for him. 

As he 'reads' the picture I read the Hebrew translation, work on learning that. And I think, Why am I not doing this more often, learning simple nouns in Hebrew? One day I will move there and will be at a disadvantage at the department store.

Hebrew Picture Book

Hebrew Picture Book Kitchen

Until now I thought the only important word to be 'check' in the restaurants. 

Later, when his father retrieves him and I'm alone with FD, we're catching our collective breath, I scroll to the New York Times Spelling Bee and begin to work the game.  It's a hard one and I am spending WAY too much time on this, a little angry at myself for getting started. Already I have an ongoing online scrabble game with a friend that could easily waste an hour every day if I let it. 

So let's talk.

When people are depressed, or even anxious, angry, we talk about coping strategies and one of them is numbing, toning down the noise with simple activities. A game on the phone would be one of them. Numbing is not a bad thing, assuming one is not clouding the head with substances. That would include alcohol. 

Learning something new is a coping strategy, too. It can be.  Applying ones aptitudes, attending to new stimuli, incorporating new information into what we refer to as SELF, is calming in its way, and productive at the same time. 

I think about this, that I should be doing that, not activities that bring me immediate satisfaction (or frustration) like Spelling Bee. 

So I'm quitting that. Gonna' make myself some Hebrew flashcards. 

Let's see how that goes. 

therapydoc