I Did it for You

The kids came over for lasagna the other night and Cham said, "Mom, you're really misleading people on your blog! If they knew you, then they wouldn't think that you have bad eating habits!"

She's talking about those of you who gave me advice (One Piece of Chocolate) about how to avoid the chocolates that my colleague, Not So Serious Doc, keeps in a bowl in the office next to mine. (They're Hersheys Nuggets for crying out loud.)

Serious and I share a suite and I'm there all the time getting free therapy.

How could I resist a huge bowl of chocolates? Especially the ones with the bits of toffee. Who notices a single piece that's missing when there's an entire bowl left to choose from, anyway?!

But Cham, what I didn't tell you is that I'm actually trying out reader suggestions. I bought a big bag of pretzels at Jewel just the other day. Not the kind with the honey and mustard, either. I'm going for filler, not flavor. I realized that the reason the chocolates beckoned me from the next room, when ordinarily they would not, was that I was, in a word, hungry.

And it's the fault of my patients that I've been hungry. Indirectly, it's their (your) fault, and not because I'm not paid enough to afford food.

Here's the story.

I used to be a normal person and ate sandwiches. I would skip breakfast (go ahead, beat me up for skipping breakfast, tell me again how it's the MOST IMPORTANT meal of the day). But I'd make a really great sandwich for later on, and didn't care in the least if the office had a faint odor of onions, mushrooms, garlic, and green pepper in an omelet that lovingly fondled the salad in a pita. Every creation had something new, maybe a tomato, maybe a little avocado.

The better, grainier loaves of bread at the grocery store had to be tested. Anything could find it's way into my sandwiches as long as it was kosher* and hadn't once been part of a mammal.

Even Swiss cheese, but especially muenster. And since it would be my only meal of the day, I didn't worry at all about calories. I'd linger over the sandwich sequestered in a drawer or a brown bag, stealing a few huge bites between patients. I'd only devour it all at once when I was really hungry. But generally brunch would be history by 1:00 pm.

And it was a good life.

Then one day I noticed I was dozing off on the job. I mean, there would be moments when I couldn't keep my eyes open! I'd have to nap between patients, literally lie down on the sofa. Maybe it was me getting older, maybe it was stress. But patients noticed, for sure they did! And I was embarrassed that it was obviously a strain, keeping the lids over the baby blues propped up.

I could retain what people said, meaning I could repeat back, and I'm skilled enough to still do the therapy literally in Stage I sleep, but it was terrible!

This went on a few weeks before I knew what had to give. The food. Without food I'd have no problem staying alert. Maybe it's the opposite for most people, but it is this way with me. So I changed my eating habits, saved the big meal of the day for the evening, and haven't looked back.

And for the most part, not eating during work hours has worked out just fine. I bring grapes to the office, and some dried fruit. An apple in season is divine. The thought of eating candy was never something in my dietary scheme. Oh, maybe a sliver of good chocolate cake, but not candy.

I stay awake now, and will add a few pretzels to the mix, see how that works out.

So friends. When you ask me how I got myself into this predicament, this problem of choosing to eat or not to eat the candy, I have to tell you. It would never have tempted me in the old days, but it tempts me now that I've given up real food.

And if you were to ask me why I did that?

I would have to say, I did it for you.



therapydoc

*kosher is a very complicated subject, and I couldn't possibly begin to tell over all of the rules. For our purposes it would mean no reptiles or crawly things, shell fish or most birds that fly in the sky, certain fish, and pork. Most meat requires all kinds of attention and special treatment, and even vegetables and fruits (especially if there might be a worm or another bug feasting upon them) can be a problem in the land of Israel if you're Jewish. Also, non-Jewish wine, cheese, leavened products during Passover and those owned by Jews during Passover, after it passes over. . ."new grain" products. Things made in vessels that have contained or been used to cook non-kosher food. Oh, and mixing milk and meat is out. For all intents and purposes, Jews should be the skinniest people on earth. :)