Thursday, January 17, 2008

Controlling Your World and Everyone Else's While You're at It

Two year olds are funny in that not only do they want to control their own worlds, but they want to control yours, too.

Rac called me and left me voicemail around 5:30 or 6:00 p.m.- prime therapy hours if you're uninformed. It's the end of my day, my last appointment, the phone's been ringing all day, not that I've answered it, and I see there's voice mail on my cell phone. I look at "Missed Calls" on the Treo and say to myself, G-d, I hope they didn't crash the car.

But instead of checking to find out, I avert my eyes from the phone, look at you, and nod.

FD and I are to babysit and I'm guessing Rac is too embarrassed to leave him the message. So she leaves it on my voice mail. We women understand.


I know you've raised 5 children and you know what to do. But your granddaughter's a little crazy and she won't go to sleep unless you do the following:

You have to sit down with her and put her head on your shoulder and cover her with the blanket. She should have the bunny in one hand and another stuffed animal in another. She'll know which one.

Then you sing the songs. (I've told her earlier in the day that I printed up the words between patients).

Then you put her head on the bunny and lay her down, and cover her up. You walk away. She'll whimper a little, but that's okay.

Sure, Rac.

Since we're in No Bubbie! phase, I say to FD, "Knock yourself out. I wrote up the instructions and the words to The Song. Take them with you."

He takes the kid upstairs to her crib. I'm down in the kitchen, doing dishes. I hear my granddaugher screaming. I can't take it. I go up to see if No Bubbie really means, No Bubbie.

FD doesn't even have the instructions in his hands. He's lost them. The light in the room is on. He does not know the words of the song, nor the tune to the refrain. The kid is an emotional wreck, screaming for Rac.

I turn off the light, grab the words of the song (I've left them on the ironing board) and take the piece of paper to the doorway where there's a little light. I begin to sing. Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

It's not good.

Well, we can't blame her for that, can we? I walk away, settle into doing something in the room next to hers, the one with the ironing board. She's screaming. FD is helpless. I grab the words to the song again, barking an order from the doorway at him.

"I'll say them. You sing them." (He's holding the kid in an armchair in the dark that Little One literally scored one day from someone's front yard after vending at Wrigley last summer. There's so much you don't know.)

We sing Rainbow Connection about seventy times.

Me: Why are there so many. . .

FD: Why are there so many. . .

Me: Songs about rainbows.

FD: Songs about rainbows

She finally falls asleep in FD's arms. The parents come home.

Great instructions, Rac, I say. Worked like a charm.

She went out? She's asleep!?! You're joking!

Well, of course. No problem. We sang the song.

I can't believe it!

Believe it, says FD.

Here are the words in case you need them, and sure, let's let Kermit sing it for us. This one's for you, Rac. SUCH a good mom.

She's got the rituals down. You should see bathtime.

Written by Paul Williams and used by Kermit the Frog, of The Muppets, Jim Henson Productions

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.

So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on the morning star?Somebody thought of that and someone believed it, and look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,the lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic....

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la laaaaaaa



YZF said...

On the plus side, we had an extremely enjoyable night out. So thanks for the free babysitting!

Anonymous said...

Wow, have I been singing that wrong!!! LOL! Kermit must be rolling over in his swamp! And for the record... you're a pretty great grandmother. : )

bjurstrom said...

Dear Doc,
Grandkids are both humbling and wonderful....and they are so honest-at least if they are toddlers. You guys are terrific...and your blogs are good for the heart.

Jack Steiner said...

My kids love The Muppet Movie.

therapydoc said...

I should probably buy it.

Anonymous said...

How can I get into this family?

therapydoc said...

Anon, you're grandmothered in.

Anonymous said...

Yup, I know that song, but never sang it to my kids. They never asked for it, either.

Thanks for contributing this post to this week’s edition of the Carnival of Family Life, hosted at Confessions of a Novice. The Carnival will be live on Monday, January 28, 2008, so be sure to stop by and check out all of this week’s excellent submissions!

Tzipporah said...

OMG, I'm laughing so hard right now.

Baby chalal is almost 18 months old, and would LOVE to control us like this if we let him. In fact, I did let him, until his dad took over the night-time routine about a month ago, introduced some changes I was SURE he wouldn't put up with - and now ANYONE can easily get him to sleep without much fuss at all.

  Bring them home, the Homeland Concert There's not much to say. Wait, I take it back. There's SO much to say it is too much. There ...