That line in the previous post,
I didn't know what I was looking for until. . .

just so you should know is a total exaggeration, my idea of romanticism at its best.

In truth, I knew exactly what I was looking for and FD happened to have those certain qualities and more.

The line is a response to The List of mandatory criterion people seem to have before they'll even entertain suitable partners.

The List drives me crazy. People change.

There it is on paper, the perfect match, the size 2 who meets all the eligibility requirements and one day, it's
I think we're no longer an item; we've grown apart.
I just saw one of those at the office the other day. So much for the list.

But of course a person needs some basics, and of course, I had my must haves. You do have to know yourself, for what that's worth, at any age.



Mark said…
The idea of a list is an interesting notion which is not applicable in real life.
Anonymous said…
A couple months ago a college friend was looking for advice about what to tell a guy that wanted to ask her out again that she just didn't like. She said "it's so shallow and cliche to say 'we just don't click.'" He actually did meet her basic List qualities... and the problem was just that they didn't click. There really is a lot of that in a relationship!!!! It is hard to know what really connecting like that is with someone else till you find that Someone. I liked the way you put it.
Anonymous said…
So what should be look for?
I had something of a list (in my head, of course) and my husband (of 16 yrs) didn't rate too high, at least not on a number of superficial qualities (that led me to bulk at two blind dates). Thank goodness his green eyes and gray hair swept me off my feet and made me forget all about my list.
Syd said…
It boils down to respect for each other over the long haul. We all age and change. But respect and basic decency stay for a long time.
therapydoc said…
That's it. Green eyes.
therapydoc said…
Although I like the idea of respect and decency, too. Very much.
Do we really know what we need before we get it? Maybe in theory. And please don't curb the romantiscm too much. It's appealing.

Anonymous said…
I know myself, but my significant other is not the person I married, like you suggest. I'm not leaving, but it's not easy adjusting to this person. It would have been nice if I had known more before, as you always say, signing on the dotted line. I might not have married him.
Anonymous said…
What about the for better or for worse? A person could get sick early on in a marriage. Nobody can predict what's going to happen.
therapydoc said…
That's the roll of the dice. One roll. You get so many, unfortunately. Or is that fortunately.
Anonymous said…
Respect, decency, core must-haves, and somewhere between a sprinkling of good surprises and a huge helping of them depending on what you like. All of that, and knowing that this person is someone you want to work to spend the whole rest of your life with; work being a keyword, I think. It's good work if you can get it.

Of course, I don't overlook luck either. For once in my life I was in the right place at the right time and I was completely clueless!!
Laura said…
Just found your blog and LOVE it! I'm not in a position to comment on much regarding relationships (due to my own only too recent issues). But, I will definitely be perusing and thinking and maybe adding my own 2 cent's worth at some point! LOL

:o) Laura

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