The War, Uncertainty, and Depression

Israeli security-acting on a tip finds 4 terrorists from Gaza in an apartment.

Let's take a minute and discuss the misinformation about the 'Israeli' strike on a hospital in Gaza. A video from Al Jazeera, of all places, indicates the missile came from Gaza, aimed for Israel, misfired and fell on a hospital parking lot. Yes, people were killed, but not as many as the news you get will tell you. The news we hear is, I hate to say it, biased, Jew-hating media. This business about Israelis aiming for a hospital is, in four words, yet another blood libel. 

Tom Lehrer used to sing, in National Brotherhood Week, .   The punchline, And everyone hates the Jews isn't funny, but we used to laugh. Because it feels, sometimes, like it's true.

In the therapy chat groups we are told that trauma victims in Israel need therapy. I signed up as did hundreds of my Jewish colleagues. One mentioned, Well, what about malpractice. My feeling is, what about it. 

My heart is in Israel, always, so I am in mourning as I work. 

Many of us feel stuck in the United States, our soul tied to the land and the people, unable to move for a million different reasons. We visit, we give money. FD and I have always wanted to be Israeli citizens, even have plans to move there next year. Even now. That's the plan. 

I'm grieving (oh, we can make it about me, why not) but am depressed, too. This grief is layered.

A woman I know, not in Israel, tells me she cries in the morning, cries before she sleeps, if she sleeps, she cries at random times in between, and this is normal, she knows it. She feels guilty for feeling good when she feels good. She feels guilty for not doing enough for the war effort. People are buying supplies from Amazon, shipping over to Israel. It is hard to keep up with the opportunities to help and we all have our own domestic and business responsibilities, too.

We in America, many of us, are like her. We feel helpless and hopeless and scared, we cry. We are very sad and angry. We pray constantly. This is not an exaggeration. Constantly. Obsessively. I get it, we are a tiny minority, but it feels as if we are everywhere.

So it is strange that we are not, as I tell FD, we are not in need of Citalopram or some other antidepressant, which would take away the tears that matter. We need the tears, in my professional opinion, to purge the negativity. We need the tears, in my metaphysical opinion, to get G-d's attention. This is a merciful G-d and tears, we think, influence Heavenly decisions. 

So we need anti-depressants but won't take them.  Give me my grief, my anger, yes even the depression. That is the party line. It proves I care. That I can't control the depression is mind-blowing. It is not simply a reaction to negative thoughts and it is not simply fear. Fear? We all have fear. The challenge, as the Buddha would say, is not to listen to fear. Don't do what she says to do.

 

I am afraid, I must be, of nuclear war, but don't dwell on it. I'm not even conscious of this fear unless someone brings it up. (Mindfulness training is amazing).  But this is unusual, not feeling fear but knowing it is there. It is in a place inside of me, and I am fighting it. 

 

So no, let's not medicate. Let's lean in or distract (I prefer that, distracting). Or go ahead and feel, damn it, I told a patient this week. Just cry.

 

That's what I'm trying to do. 

 

There's a thing on FaceBook that says: 

Your Jewish friends are NOT okay. 

This is in answer to the obvious question, Are you okay?

Of course we are not. 

But do we dwell on that not okay-ness? Do we want to talk about it?  

Not so much, if at all! We have a war to win. We have work to do. To fight a war soldiers needs energy, food, dry clothes, and most important, spirit, song, social media support, a belief in a positive outcome. And anger at a bad reporting.

 

No time for tears. No time for fear. No time for negative thoughts--definitely no time for those. No time for a biased media that loves anyone who hates Jews. Don't ask us for money, National Public Radio. You should rot, go under. 

Anger is nice in these situations. 

 

Is this the usual treatment for depression, avoiding medication? 

It can be.

But when you know it's not going to go away or let up at all, meds are recommended. For some of us, fake it 'til you make it has never been more important. Find some spirit, some light, serotonin, and hang onto it, and when it is completely gone, when the tank is empty, go ahead and cry. 

Get some sleep. Give to legitimate causes. Open the pocketbook. Find out how to do something.

The thing that kills us is the uncertainty. We can't stand not knowing what's to come. But emotionally healthy people have a high tolerance for uncertainty. They have patience, know when things are beyond their control. They know when they will have to 

WAIT AND SEE. 

Tolerance of uncertainty is critical at times like these. Tomorrow is a new day, until tomorrow we can wait and see what will be. And there is always another tomorrow. We hope. We pray. 

We haven't been confronted face to face with evil for over fifty years, and yet, here we go again. 

Did you see the story about the pizza restaurant in Gaza with a banner in the window: A holocaust survivor's face, an old woman, and a pizza? Both go into the oven. This is the implication. 

I couldn't make that up. 

This time, it appears, we have America on our side. From the too, not years into a war. God bless America. God bless Eretz Israel. God bless God bless Klal Yisrael (the congregation). 

Am Yisrael Chai.

The people of Israel, as FD likes to say, believe in life. Remember the words: Therefore choose life? 

Unfortunately that isn't the enemy's world view.

Blessings, 

therapydoc